Attacked
by Sara.14759
Summary: One of the members are attacked during a concert. With the help of his friends, James has hope of surviving. But as any other recovery, it was going to be rough. Especially knowing that there was a man out there still waiting to finish James Diamond off.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, so I used to be famous, like seriously. I wrote Hockey Accident last year, but it and I'm Counting On You was deleted. Then when I tried again, something went wrong and then I just gave up. But anyway, I hope this one will be good enough. Please be sure to review, thank you!**

**Get me known again! )':**

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The screams were blasting through their ears as they smiled, the song ending. The band was just finishing up their last song on this night's concert, enjoying the crowd as the girls and even the boys jumped up and down. Signs were displayed from the crowd, lights and flickering cameras catching their eyes.

It had been about three hours now that they had been singing and with a hoarse voice, Kendall stepped forward to the mike, motioning for the crowd to calm down. As the last, odd flicker of light flashed before his eyes, he cleared his throat.

"We just wanted to think everyone for being such great fans, we love you!" He screamed, Carlos pumping his fist in the air with a cry of joy. The crowd took that as an opening and followed shortly with Carlos, girls screaming their names and throwing up random things. Flowers, money, and of course things that made them feel uncomfortable. But they knew that it only meant they were appreciated. It was a nice feeling, really. To know that so many people were gawking over them.

Logan smirked, and walked toward the mike, pulling it from Kendall. As the crowd settled down, he felt James' hand rest on his shoulder, Carlos popping up behind them. As a group they smiled, Logan opening his mouth to speak.

But an ear-piercing noise cut him off. He could hear the gun shot and feel the bullet rush by him, sounding like a train near his ears.

Everything was quiet as dead weight hit the stage, everyone's eyes horrid and wide. The lights quit moving, the pictures quit taking, the girls quit screaming. It was as silent as inside the eye of a tornado. Logan's eyes went blank as he turned his head, feeling it crack with so much stress. He looked down, feeling his body go numb.

His best friend was on the ground, bleeding out as he gasped. Then all hell broke loose. The crowd was roaring, cries and shouting filling their ears. The noise of phone calls were made, the professional voice of a 911 operator coming out of many speakers at once. People were running, trampling over others. Security guards pushed people back, desperate to calm down the chaos. They were shouting, giving out orders and talking on communicators. Everyone, no matter the situation, were looking around for the person who decided to shoot the pretty boy of Hollywood.

But to the three boys on the ground, none of that mattered. All alone on the stage, blocking out the pandemonium around them. Their best friend since childhood was on the floor, clinging to life as he took greedy breaths. Blood spilled around him, laying in his own puddle of red. His face was already ghostly white, running low on blood supply. His fingers twitched, gripping tightly to his shirt, trying to cover up the wound. His eyes... They were fluttering, desperate to stay open.

Logan couldn't breathe. Just seconds ago they were jumping around, the two of them doing their back flips together, laughing and high-fiving afterwards for the accomplishment. The smile... It still lingered in his vision. The hand that once lay on his shoulder, was now trying to keep the blood in his body. He sat there, staring hopelessly into those pleading eyes. No words were spoken, nothing. Partially because James couldn't speak and partially because they were all too shocked. It had happened so quickly. Sure he wanted to be a doctor, sure he knew so much about health, but watching his friend slip away from life right before his eyes rendered him futile.

Carlos laid his hand on James' stomach, feeling it jerk up and down abnormally. He could only let out small, chocked breaths as his friend was dying before him. He was so surprised, he was confused. What did James do to deserve this? Who shot him? Why didn't anyone stop him? He screamed to himself non-stop, wanting to reach up and pull at his hair. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know if he could even do anything. Wasn't this the party king in front of him, dying? He couldn't stand it, thinking about it. The boy who always did the craziest things with him because Kendall and Logan didn't want to get stuck with the consequences. The boy who was always right beside him in the hospital, fashionably showing off his wounds while Kendall and Logan laughed at them. Now here he was, taking his dying breaths. He couldn't, no, wouldn't accept it.

While Kendall, normally being the closest to James, was hyperventilating. He was just running his fingers through the feathery hair, shushing James as he kept asking repeatedly where the ambulance was. His best friend was dying right before him and no one could help. They shared a room, they flirted for the humor, they were friends before meeting any of the others. He was always the one to be there first, reassuring James when he truly believed that he had hit rock bottom. When James was crying, he was there. When James was sick, he was there. When James had terrible self esteem, he was there to remind him of what a beautiful person he was, inside and out. No matter the consequences, he was the first by his side. He felt like James' mom, always getting him out of trouble and making sure he was safe. He'd make sure that James understood his situation before jumping into it. He respectfully reminded any girl who broke James' heart that she had missed out. But most of all, he loved James. _So much. _It hurt, watching him deteriorate before him within seconds. He couldn't live without any of his best friends.

Then the sirens filled the air, cutting through the tense fog. Almost as if broken out of a trance, they looked up. Only to see the arena empty and ambulances and police cars pulling up rapidly. Even if it took a minute, it was too long for their liking. The security guards stood close to them, not even noticing that they were standing around them like a barrier. They were too drawn into James' colorless eyes.

His pupils were dilated.

Logan would know this any time, it wasn't good. James was suffering from blood loss and was going into shock. He had to get to a hospital, _stat._

The guards jumped as he swiftly stood to his feet, pointing to the stretcher that was rolled out of the automobile. "Get him to a hospital now, no delays!" He didn't care if he sounded bossy, or if he was telling adults what to do. This was his best friend and it was going to be done his way. Clean and perfectly.

"We don't have minutes to waste, get him out of here!" He screeched, his eyes narrowed, turning to his friends. A guard was on one knee, trying to calm Kendall down as he yelled for James to stay awake, Carlos instructing Kendall to take deep breaths. Over and over, _breathe in, and out. Breathe in, and out._

The paramedics didn't argue, most likely understanding the situation. They rushed up the platform, the guards breaking. Kendall was pulled back by the man who was comforting him, his arms flailing wildly. His eyes went wide as he dropped to the floor, scrambling to get back to James. Another security guard came, grabbing at Kendall to help. The blondie thrashed, refusing to be taken away from James.

Carlos' eyes went lifeless, as if suddenly the situation finally sunk in. His friend has been shot and was bleeding out. James Diamond, the pretty boy of the band. The one who was always fixing his hair, was always smiling and grinning, was dying. And no one could do anything. He felt arms wrap around his chest, pulling him back. He went limp, staring at James' body as it was lifted on to the stretcher, rolled away.

Logan's eyes flickered between the two, his eyebrows furrowing. He didn't know how he had made it this far honestly. Carlos had gone mute and Kendall was having a mental break down. While all he wanted to do was go back to sleep and wake up from this nightmare.

* * *

The car ride was quiet, two of the boys looking out the window, Carlos staring at the floor. They sat in the back of the cop car, Kendall and Logan on each sides while the other was scrunched up in the middle. Their gazes were blank. Still flashing back to what they saw.

The suddenly messy hair, the pale skin, the lifeless but pained eyes, the twitching body. _The blood._

Thinking back, Kendall could remember the bullet flying by, only witnessing it for a few seconds. He remembered it cutting through the air, making a screeching noise as it cut into the flesh of James Diamond. He couldn't get the sick feeling out. He felt so numb, so hollow when he heard the lifeless body hit the ground. When he turned to see James on the ground, gaping up into the sky, he could only feel dead inside. He felt like he was sucker punched in the stomach, his breath being knocked out. It was heart wrenching to watch your childhood best friend, no, _brother _suddenly so empty. He knew that with how hard he dropped to his knees to help James, he'd have some nice bruises tomorrow. He felt insane. Unconsciously pulling at his hair, he curled up further against the door. When he saw the blood, he felt like his life had suddenly ended. He felt so faint to the world, his body was shaking as his throat tore from his needy screams. He needed James right now, to hold him, to know that he was alright. He needed his best friend back.

Everyone was stuck in their own thoughts when they felt the car jerk to a stop, Carlos, too tired to put his seat belt off, almost barrel rolled out of his seat as he gripped at the leather. He couldn't even lift his eyes, his mind so exhausted. Logan looked over, reaching to pull Kendall's hand away as a brutal, sudden jerk was forced on his hair. Logan knew it wasn't healthy to do that, tearing at your hair.

He whispered, "Don't, Kendall." He received a jittery nod, a gulp heard through the car. The cop sighed, turning to look at them. His eyelids lowered at the tear stains that ran down their cheeks, their sniffling running smoothly to his ear drums. These kids were in such bad condition. One second they were a hit boy band, having the time of their lives, then one of them was suffering.

"Come on guys, were here. Do you want me to escort you?"

Their heads shook as they opened the doors, Carlos waiting for an opening. Logan's hand rested on his shoulder, nodding. "Thank you," He directed to the driver who gave a short nod. The smart one led Carlos out, giving a gentle smile as he closed the door for the latino. As Carlos shifted his feet softly, letting his shoes drag against the concrete, he heard Kendall and Logan take a few steps before his knees gave out. He had, had enough.

He dropped, curling into a ball as he hid his face in his hands, sobbing hysterically. He couldn't take it, the stress, the fear, the pain. It was all there. He didn't want to deal with it, he didn't want to have to worry about his friend living through the night. He wanted to be home, eating and laughing with his band mates. He wanted Gustavo to be yelling at them, Kelly backing them up. Carlos' walls broke, letting his emotions flood out. He barely felt the hands grasping at him, pulling him up into a sitting position as his world came crashing down around him.

Logan and Kendall sat on either side of him, pulling him into their arms. They let their tears fall as well, shushing each other, sobbing into any shoulder they could find, any fabric to sniffle in. Together, they thought. Together they would get through this. They would hold hope for James, they would walk through those doors and they would bring the light to the darkness. No, it wouldn't be easy. Not at all. But at this point, they were all at their breaking points and from life experience, they knew that they would need to be there for each other. Whether they wanted to think of it in this way, if James made it or not, they wouldn't tear away. They would hold each other, cry together, and keep the band together. The cracks that formed in their sanity, it was affecting all of them. Kendall knew he was going to go limp, dead to life if James wasn't by his side again. Logan knew that he wouldn't be his same self again, no longer sly and smart and confident. And Carlos? He would never be the same, unable to be his carefree self. He wouldn't have his partner in crime anymore.

Sure crying in the middle of the hospital entrance was pretty cliche, but if that's what they had to do to ready themselves for what was beyond those doors, then they would do it any day.

Together.

Together they would help their friend. Because they had all the faith in the world for James, he was a fighter, even when he was attacked.

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**Wooohooo, first chapter! Mind reviewing and telling me how I did? Thank youu for reading and chapter 2 will be here soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Aweee, you guys are so adorableeee Thank youuu, and I apologize for the shortness of the chapter, this one will be longer! I was on a delay yesterday, I had school buuuuuut It's Friday! So I got all day and all night! (: **

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**Rightnexttoyou - Eeep, I knoww! I'm excited about this story and I'll know you'll love it! . xx**

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**PsychBTRLover - Thank you so much, I was a little worried that I would rush into it, but I think it was the best way about! And Hockey Accident will always be in my heart, maybe, just maybe I could somehow pick it up with a sequel like I had said I would a year ago... It would be difficult but I feel like I broke some hearts when it was deleted )':**

**SashaLovesBananas - I hate you too. I hate you're amazing review. I hate you're long review. I hate how you make me feel so special. I completely, and utterly hate that you make my work look so amazing. And I hate that I thought of this idea before you. I'm just joshin' 'ya, I love chuu. I hope that along the road I don't develop zits in my work and give it flaws. ASAP? How 'bout now? (; THANK YOU. xx**

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**Here we go, and again, THANK YOU SO MUCH.**

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It took minutes, maybe ten, maybe fifteen before they were able to pull themselves back to their feet. Crying for so long, huddled together brought the stress onto their shoulders and made their cheeks sore. Carlos sniffled as he tried to pull himself back together, straightening his shirt. But after a few failed attempts, he gave up to turn and see Kendall fixing his sleeves, his hand returning to his hair almost instantly.

He tugged at his hair gently, staring at the doors as Logan sighed, nodding. "Come on boys," He grabbed Kendall's hand, holding back a glare, "Let's go and..." He paused. Honestly, what were they to do? Sit there and await to hear if their friend made it or not?

Just thinking about it for seconds, Carlos wiped away more tears as they trailed down his cheeks. He couldn't stop, the water works just kept coming. He didn't know how damaged his emotions were and he didn't know how he was going live in that waiting room, but he did know one thing. He had to be strong, nonetheless. Even if it meant him crying, that wasn't what he meant. He was going to make sure that he held his faith and didn't let James' injuries bring him down. He was sure that soon he was going to run out of tears anyway...

With a sigh, Logan shook his head. He didn't want to finish that sentence. He let go of the blondie behind him and stuck his hands in his pocket, his fingers fiddling with a stray string as he took wobbly steps. His legs felt like jello and he didn't even know if the others were following him. With a quick glance, he stopped at the door, relief washing over him as the other two stopped behind him. No, they didn't look good at all, but at least they were healthy and alive. Their eyes were red, their noses were wrinkling constantly with sniffs, and their bodies were shaky. But he'd never been so happy to have them by his side.

When the doors opened, they felt the rush of cool air run by. The hospital was cold, sterile. The walls were all white, the only thing in the rather large room was chairs lined up against the walls and a desk in the middle. On either side of the desk were hallways, making a cross. They were no doubt hallways to either rooms or surgical rooms. There were lonely paintings stuck up on the walls randomly, posters with information tacked up to the walls. It was a nice hospital, yes, but it was so plain. Maybe this was why the patients were so lifeless around here.

Logan pointed towards the wall, watching as Kendall and Carlos nodded and sat down, he walked towards the desk. He stood patiently, waiting for her to end her call. As it slammed down to hang up, she looked at him and smiled. "Well hello, sweety, what can I do for you?" She asked gently, linking her own fingers together. His eyes scanned her desk. It was covered with forms and papers, memos and stickys. In front of her was her phone and laptop. He blinked, shaking his thoughts away.

"Ah, yes. James Diamond?"

Her eyes perked then drooped, her sympathy taking over. He groaned inwardly. He didn't like pity. But on the outside, he rubbed at his temples, making sure to keep his tears in. He must have looked like a mess. His clothes were wrinkly, his face was pale and stiff, his shoulders were sagging, and he knew he had blood-shot eyes. But at this point, who really cared?

She sighed, checking on her computer. He listened intently as she typed away, his senses so strong with emotions that the tapping was about to drive him crazy.

_Breath in, breath out. _

He scoffed, tapping his foot. Kendall's scared eyes flashed before his mind and he crossed his arms, furrowing his brows as he squinted his eyes. His agitation was suddenly so high, fuming with anger and he gritted his teeth. He stopped grinding his jaw when he heard her clear her throat.

She stared at him worriedly, "I'm sorry, but he's still in surgery right now. You can just sit and wait, news will be out soon," She smiled, reaching out to lay her fingers on his hand that gripped at the desk. _When did he do that?_

He pulled his hand back, thanking her with a nod. Her touch... It was making him go crazy. Any precise noise made his temper tick. How could he take care of Kendall and Carlos if he was on the edge like this?

He walked over, landing in a chair beside his friends. He sighed, lowering his eyes to his shoes. The others had their heads in their hands, their bodies still quivering. It was no doubt that they were just replaying the scene in their heads like him.

Now, just to wait for James.

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_**Carlos POV**_

My father always told me that I was just special, that I had my own mind. I was different, no doubt. But in a good way and I knew that. I was always so happy, always smiling and jumping up and down. It was the best part of me, the ability to brighten anyone's day. But that wasn't how others saw it. As a child, what I thought meant making others happy, to them was annoying. I didn't understand it. I didn't understand why they looked at me weirdly when I joined their group, when I tried to play with them too. I wasn't angry or scary. I wasn't ugly or weird. So what was it, I always asked myself. It took me years of strange looks, of shying away to realize that what made me a good person, made others uncomfortable. What made _me _was what scared the other kids. I was too happy, I suppose. I was too crazy and they thought of me as weird.

No, I wasn't seen as a retard. I was seen as an idiot. Someone to just laugh at, to point at. When I did something that I thought was funny for them to enjoy, it turned out I was just entertainment. Even in grade school, my most innocent years, I was made fun of. I was pushed away, I was knocked into the wall. I ate alone at lunch, I had no partner for games, I was targeted in gym class. It was ruthless.

Then I met _him._

My dad always told me that one day, I and the others would appreciate who I was. He said that I would meet someone who understood me, who accepted me for who I was. I didn't believe him. My life was so close to rock bottom in the inside, while on the outside I kept my smile. I kept hurling myself into trouble, taking risks and being talked about. But, as always, my dad was right.

My very first friend, James Diamond, was my hero.

Reaching fourth grade, everyone was starting to grow up. They were finding themselves, finding their friends. While me, I was still seen as the outcast. But unlike them, I knew myself completely. I knew who I was. I was an adventurous kid who loved hockey and no matter what happened, I would never stop laughing. Even when singing, I lost myself in the moment. But who knew that just being myself could ruin my life? Now the kids knew how to act and more importantly, how to fight. They knew their bodies more now, knew how to work out. Even if they were smaller than a teenager, they tried their best to get as much muscles as a fourth grader could get.

The cliques were made now. The jocks, the preps, the freaks, the outcasts, the middles. And of course, me? Well, I didn't know where I was. I just didn't have any friends. Until that day, when the pretty boy met me. Known as a middle, he was friends with all of the groups, happy with his life. He wasn't beaten up, but _he_ didn't beat up anyone either. He had the perfect life. Gorgeous face, beautiful smile, a great body. He was loved. But as any other amazing person was, he always returned the love. I just never knew that he'd take time from his day to show _me _love.

They tried to beat me up one day, worse intentions than the usual smack around or jostle. But when the first punch came, I was pushed out of the way. On the ground, I could only frown as a body took the hit. A little taller than me, James took it to the collar bone, standing firm though. He didn't move, only clenched his fists and cried out. The jock and his groupies backed up, shaking as they realized that they had hit _the _James Diamond. His body was tougher, his muscles more developed. So, like any other hero, he threw a punch back. After the ordeal James had taken a bruised bone and gained a new friend. Ever since then, we hung out every weekend. He protected me.

After a few weeks of James having so much fun with me, preferring to spend time with me instead of the jocks or the freaks, _I__ loved myself. _Of course before then I had known myself, happy with myself, but now I had no doubts. No cracks and uncertainty. My life slowly became better and together, we became our own couple. Not romantically, of course.

My life was solved, the missing puzzle pieces were found. I was happy and cheerful, more than before. I had all the hope in the world. I was no longer insecure and I knew that every day I had someone to turn to, someone who loved me. I had someone to meet up with, a boy to do crazy things with now instead of doing them alone. My friend was my life, he was my light. Before I met Logan and Kendall, I relied on him completely.

James always had faith in me, always forced me to realize what a great guy I was. He was there by my side, ready to help and when it came to me falling to my knees, he was there to pick me up.

James always believed in me, now it was time for me to believe in him.

* * *

_**Logan POV**_

I was too smart for my own good. I knew that. I learned things too quickly, I knew how to read and speak at a young age. It was almost as if my parents knew that one day, it would be a burden. And it was. They told me that no matter what, not to listen to anyone. They said that in the long run, it would help me and get me further than anyone. I knew that, I did. But sometimes, I remember praying that I could be stupid. I always wanted to be dumb and have many friends than to be smart and get far in life without friends. Those prayers were so foolish, I realize now.

I remember always loving to read books and loving to go to museums, to find out new things while studying. I answered all of the answers, my hand was always risen in the air. Whispers were what I heard when I walked by. Kids didn't understand that I was different and they didn't want to. They were too slow, my young selfish mind would insult. I used to tell myself that it was their fault for being too low, too low to realize that I was better then them. But it only took me two years to notice my mistakes.

I left my selfish ways almost immediately when I entered third grade. I knew that it wasn't me, that instead of them not understanding, it was me. I was always looking too far into things. Instead of them being stupider, I was just too smart. I was throwing my hurt emotions at them. I was blaming them for everything when it was really my fault. I acted better than them, I told them how stupid they were and laughed when they got an answer wrong. I rubbed my good grades into their noses, I even went as far as to insulting them to the whole class.

But soon I wished that I had changed earlier, because whether I was nicer or not, I got a rude awakening.

Fourth grade arrived and as everyone knew, this was when boys started to grow up and get tough, while girls learned more about fashion and making fun of each other. He remembered always telling himself that even his acts weren't as bad as theirs.

My terrible attitude from second grade had caught up to me. The cliques were created and the largest was the jerks and the snobs. They picked on everyone, got into fights plenty of times. They showed off their muscles. These were the days when I realized that my grades had nothing on their muscles. I had quieted down by now, my turmoil in my mind creating a tornado of hormones. I felt lost, insecure. I didn't know who I was anymore. I wanted to be nice, friendly. I wanted others to smile back, to say hi when I greeted them. But my old, selfish ways were not forgotten. And they were the end of my happiness.

I was tagged as the nerd of the school, the unlucky one. I read books all of the time, I answered all of the questions. I was the old me expect for the insults, because whenever I tried, I stuttered. I was the typical young one. Trying to fit in but realizing that I was not the same, knowing that I was a freak. That's right, that was my label in the crowd, a freak.

The beatings came quickly. Fourth grade was just taunting, taking my lunch or making fun of me. All of the verbal abuse. But fifth grade, that was when I started to fall into the darkness.

They started to hit me, to push me against the walls. They liked to just randomly ruffle my hair or smack my forehead. I remember that my health started to deteriorate, that my skin was starting to sink. My skin wasn't as healthy, my bones getting close to jutting out. I didn't eat much and I randomly began pulling and chewing my hair away. That was why I hated seeing Kendall pull his hair. I knew it all ended horribly unless the person was saved. I was lucky, one day, however. It was just the right place, right time.

They pushed me to the ground, and started kicking me. But then I was picked up and slammed against the wall, feeling fingers wrap around my shirt collar. I choked a bit, staring at my attacker in the eyes. They were scary. We were alone, noticeably late. A fifth grader beating me up? It didn't make any sense to me. But that wasn't what I cared about, I wanted to get out. The hits hurt worse those days, when I was so delicate and my bones were so fragile. I didn't eat anymore unless my parents forced me too. I always stole my mom's make-up to cover up the bruises, thankful that she didn't bother me much.

I remembered that to me, the interjecting voice was angelic. It was a deep voice, like all of the other boys. But this one was confident. I remember being put down before watching my attacker be knocked to the ground. I could only gap, staring at the extended latino's arm. Behind the boy was another, the one who had spoken up threateningly.

I had heard of them. The two boys who didn't care about what others thought. The two boys who weren't bothered and just had the time of their lives. James used to be the cool kid before he dared to punch another last year for Carlos, who I knew had a hard life until now. I could only wish that I was that lucky.

But when I first saw them smile, I knew that then on through, they would be there for me. And ever since then, I had gained my weight back and I had so much more confidence and was so happy with myself. I never stopped smiling and as I grew up, people started to ask for help in studies. And before I knew it, I had my own trio and I was actually liked.

I've never been so happy to know that those prayers never came true on those lonely, hurt filled nights.

* * *

_**KENDALL POV**_

I remember the rough days, the days when I didn't think that I would make it. When I had inner turmoil, when the smiles were so fake that they hurt to bring up. When I had to comfort two women at the same time, Katie and mom. I wasn't alone of course, I had friends, but they were fake. And my family were barely standing. They were like me, they were ready to give up on life. Mom quit coming out of her room, Katie was becoming so much more normal. She didn't try anymore tricks. And Me?

Well, let's get to that later.

When my dad died, everyone was devastated for me. It spread around school like a wild fire, everyone apologizing. But I didn't feel bad for myself at all. I was just depressed. But not for me; for those around me. While I hated that my teachers and friends started treating me differently, my sister was growing smaller and quieter and my mom was starting to go hollow. I didn't remember the last time we laughed as a family. I didn't speak when I got home. We went our separate ways, going to our rooms. The only thing I had to rely on was hockey.

Going into fifth grade I remember finally going as low as possible. I had lost it so much that my friends started to distant themselves. Like I had realized earlier, they weren't real friends because if they were, they'd been there to help me. But they were cowards to run away. Then again, I didn't have much room to talk. I was scared and shied away from any human contact. I didn't mind being touched or talked to, but I didn't like going to other houses or inviting others. It just didn't settle well with me. My soul had gone dark halfway through, to where I just didn't give a care in the world.

I didn't look back, but worse of all, I didn't look forward. I had ignored my career as a hockey player and I was unstable, unable to play any longer. I wasn't healthy enough to play, emotionally and physically. My grades in school were terrible, too low for me to be able to join any school sports. I barely even made it above passing.

Speaking of school, I remember always hating getting up. Every time I entered the school, eyes turned to me. Even after a few years, it was still seen in their eyes.

They were afraid to talk to me, afraid that I would just suddenly bend and snap. Like my legs would just fail and I would drop dead.

But that wasn't how it was.

They didn't understand that while they kept their distance to make sure I didn't break, they were only hurting me worse. I felt hated, ugly, gross. I felt dirty every day, like I had gone dumpster diving. I felt like my world was just spiraling into a dark, black hole. I had lost hope a long time ago.

Then the well known trio met me.

There was the tough one but caring one, the smart one who was always positive, and the all around fun-loving one.

It was sixth grade, where everything meant appearance. And dammit, I had lost all fame a long time ago. I wasn't popular no longer. I didn't have any friends except for the occasional hello's and the smiles. But here, they were ruthless.

No, I wasn't beat up or bullied. I wasn't a nerd or freak, that wasn't the occasion. But I wasn't exactly treated like royalty, either. While they didn't hurt me, they actually did the opposite. They kept their distance. People would fidget near me, they would quickly react when their eyes met mine. They were scared of me. Afraid that they would be the reason that the boy in all skin and bones would finally give up. That I would lose it.

I remember a harsh rumor that went around the first week of school, one that like all the others wasn't true. They said that I was going insane and that I was to be sent to an institution with my sister and mother. I never found out how this came about, I mean really, my father died. It's not like I was beaten and went and murdered someone... After that rumor, I just gave up on life.

My grades were horrid, I knew that. But if it was possible, they were getting worse. 70s turned into 60s and by the last three months of school, they turned into 50s until I had gotten a notice.

My Social Studies' teacher finally had enough. One last failed grade and he pulled me over after class, telling me that even if I passed the EOGs, with the grades that I was receiving I would have to retake sixth grade. No one would ever understand how upset I was.

I quivered on the way out of his room, shaking as I pulled my bag out of my locker to stuff it with items. I left school that day scared to death. Life was already horrible, I didn't know if I could live through sixth grade once again. I didn't have the heart or the will to do it.

Then they ran up to me while I walked home, grinning nicely. I didn't get startled, just shocked. Were the trio actually talking to me? They were popular in their own way really. They weren't jerks and they were commonly liked. Growing up, they were granted with looks. Still in sixth grade, they were lucky to look the way that they did. I never expected to be so happy with someone with the label, 'popular.'

Logan told me that he could tutor me and that he would make it so much easier.

The word 'yes' has never changed my life so much before.

They invited me to go ice skating a bit before the tutoring session. When they told me we were going to my house, I had never been so hesitant. I told them that it wasn't such a great idea and they just shrugged, stating that it would be okay.

I hadn't seen my mom and Katie laugh like they did with James.

The exact moment that they smiled and laughed for that split second, I had decided that I dedicated my life to James. And ever since, he had been my best friend. Sure, they all helped us in their own way. But James contributed to our recovery more than anyone else. He had brought light to our darkness, he gave us hope and taught us how to smile again. He warmed our hearts. Every Friday he came home with me and helped tutor me as much as possible before we had our own fun, Logan tutoring me full on every Wednesday. I remember a foolish thought, thinking that James' last name proved that he was rare and precious, a valuable friend. I always reminded myself that I was lucky to have ever met James. If it weren't for him and the others, I wouldn't be here today.

I wouldn't be smiling without James. _I would be dead without James._

* * *

They sat in silence, thinking closely. Remembering everything that James had done for them, how he had brought them together. How in some way or another, _he had saved them. _Almost simultaneously the same thought forced its way into their brains, corrupting them.

They had to show him how much they appreciated him, how much they loved him. They had to prove to him that they owed him for everything, by giving him the one thing he needed at this moment. They were his best friends and no matter what...

They would never give up on him. He was going to make it, they _knew _he was. And if along the way he decided to give up, they would remind him of who he was. He was James Diamond, the pretty boy of Hollywood. The boy who had successfully saved three boys from their own depression.

If he could believe in them, they could be everything he needed. No, they _would _be everything he needed.

However, the courage only flared up in angry flames as a door creaked, swinging back closed as a doctor walked up, looking down at them. Logan's fingers snapped against each other, tearing the stray string in his pocket in half. Kendall's body groaned as he stood up, but he didn't care. He had never wanted to know something as much as this.

Logan and Carlos followed, both staring the doctor down.

The doctor's face was full of anguish as he over looked them. They were about to find out if their friend had made it... And they were ready.

* * *

**I hope it was long enough! I just wanted to get this through to you guys, how much James means to them. I realized that people like to call Carlos retarded and that he gets bullied for it. It's too mainstream and I don't like it at all, calling someone a retard. So I decided to make him too hyper, too different for society's liking. Anyway, please review and tell me how I did! Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well hey there guys (; How's it been? I'm so happy with you, giving me such amazing reviews. Whenever I get many reviews, I feel obliged to update fast for the readers. So thank you for the motivation, its not always easy to type a whole chapter without some help from my loveys! :3 **

**On to the thank yous ~~~**

**AlyssaMaslow - I'm sorry I made you cry, but at that same time I'm glad you did because that's my job (: Thank you for reassuring me and I'm glad that you could imagine it, because that's what I did to get the other three's emotions right. Again, thank you! . xx**

**chocolate-colombo - I love updating fast because then I feel like I made you guys happy! :) Thank you, I wanted to make sure that you guys understood the relationships between them and how they came to be! . xx**

**AlyssaMaslow - Reviewing again, are we? (; Don't hyperventilate, I'll feel bad D: Having a scenario is what always makes it better! Thank you for the reviews so much! . xx**

**PizzaTop21 - I've been known for my ideas, you know (; And please, I beg of you, don't explode. Cliffies are my virtue! ;) Thank you so much! . xx**

******PsychBTRLover - ****Thank you so much, I felt the need to show you guys that the boys had to go through a lot to become who they are today . xx**

**CarlosPenaLuverBTR1 - I'm sorry, don't cry! D: Happy reviewer, happy reviewer! Thank you, I was hoping it was good and of course you want James to be okay, everyone does! (: Haha, thank you! . xx**

**Magiccatpriness - I do too, they're brothers for life. Thank you! . xx**

**SashaLovesBananas - Ohemgee, you'll never understand how much I love your long reviews! I had to stop there, cliffhangers are fun! I'm evil and i'm sexy, yes I know this. It's okay, YOUR BABY BOO IS SAFE WITH ME! Maybe. Anywaaayy, thank you for the long aw, it meant a lot hahaha. I've always seen James as the hero, the protector, not Kendall like the show says. Okay, just because you said that, there will be another cliffhanger! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. Hehe. I love you... a lot. Aweeesss, zit creme :D No more story ziiiiitttss! WOOHOO. Thank you so much! . xx**

**McGeeklover - OMG THANK YOU! Updated? Check yes. Thank you! . xx**

**Okay, again to all of my reviewers, thank you so much! You mean everything to me! xoxo.**

**PLEASE READ***

**Alright, so guys if you know about the human body, you know that it's very difficult to understand. So during the story I won't explain it too much, but the Brachiocephalic Artery is the artery that connects with the left and right Subclavian Arteries. It doesn't directly supply the blood to the brain, neck, and right arm but it is very essential. It gives oxygen to the brain and transports the blood through the right arm and parts of the neck. If it is damaged, first there will be an obstacle to getting oxygen and blood to the brain, which will result in either brain damage, hallucinations, or going insane, sometimes all of the above. Along with that, the neck can go numb or will feel strong pain as it is not just supplied by the Brachiocephalic Artery but by others too. Then the right arm comes into the picture, here it will most definitely result with severe pain and random numbness, and can sometimes end with dysfunction with the arm. It is commonly thought to be the same as the Subclavian Arteries, which are the supply to the left and right upper chest and arm, but the Brachiocephalic Artery is much more important. So there you go, I hope you read that because it was very essential to this chapter and the story. Thank you for sticking through it!  
**

* * *

As all their eyes met with the doctor's, fear started to intrude. Butterflies filled Carlos' stomach, planting his hand over it, squeezing. His shirt crinkled between his fingers and he looked down at the floor. He was going to be sick.

It was too quiet, no one was speaking. Kendall's curiosity was rising and he tried to gain control of himself but he just couldn't do it. He felt the heat spread up his neck, "How is he?" He blurted out, his eyebrows quivering.

The doctor didn't seem surprised at all as he looked down at his board before sighing, clicking his pen. "Well it seems that James isn't in great condition. Because of the position of the criminal, the bullet was such upwards and diagonally. Therefore it ran up his body for a split second, damaging more than needed, before lodging itself into the Brachiocephalic Artery-"

He was cut off by Logan's gasp. Knowing that he was logical with this stuff, Kendall and Carlos gulped, turning to look at him. His face was filled with fear and surprise, obviously not happy with the news. He knew how important the Brachiocephalic Artery was. "So... his arm and neck... his brain?" The last two words slipped from his lips as the doctor nodded, sorrow filling his eyes. Logan was frozen, unable to move. How could he have been so stupid?

Why didn't he notice?

He saw the bullet intrusion, he saw the blood on the chest. He hadn't noticed the position, he was shot in the upper right chest. He remembered being relieved when he saw this, it meant that his heart was safe. But he should have known, he should have reminded himself that no where was safe to be shot unless it was pure fat or useless muscle. Everywhere was something important and he just had to be shot in the Brachiocephalic Artery. From what he had studied, it was what helped supply blood to the neck and right arm, and blood and oxygen to the brain. He knew the consequences of the artery being wounded. It meant no oxygen to the brain, no blood to the arm and neck. It meant complete disaster.

The doctor could see the craziness going on in Logan's mind, clearing his throat, "Well since it seems that you know more about this, let's work through this. When James was submitted to surgery, we were lucky to find that the bullet was _lodged _in the artery, not passing through. That might have been what saved his life."

The other two looked confused. How could being shot have saved his life? At this point they didn't even know much about the artery except that it supplied blood and hearing Logan mutter those three organs and limbs gave them pretty much everything they needed to understand. His neck, arm, and brain was in trouble. Opposite of them, Logan's head shot up, a light bulb flickering above his head.

"If it didn't cut through, then it was still connected in some way!"

"That's right," The doctor smiled, "While the bullet was still stuck, it kept the blood from spilling out, so there was no internal bleeding. But of course, it still didn't help that the blood could barely make it through. Lodged in there, the blood was able to pass through by small amounts. James was able to get enough blood pass to keep his brain from being damaged and his arms and neck from going sterile," He stopped, seeing the sighs of relief.

Logan spoke up, his eyes lowering, "But... that doesn't mean he's fine, does it?"

The doctor shook his head and Carlos and Kendall's hints of smiles disappeared. Just as a bone was thrown their way, it had vanished. They got their hopes up, thought that maybe the miracle had saved their best friend's life...

"While he was still getting some blood, it was too small for it to be normal. It was too irregular. His brain is not going to act the same at first. Were sure that he will be light headed and dizzy, probably have some hallucinations and or have dysfunctions with his brain. His arm, it won't be normal for a while. Until his artery can be functioning normally, his right arm will be jumpy and jittery, maybe sometimes not working. He will feel severe pain at sometimes, or at points it will just feel like a pinch, so he will be given pain killers. And finally, his neck. James was lucky. If he had been submitted into surgery a few minutes later, his neck would be limp," He stopped, examining the sickened looks at everything he said. His last sentence seemed to break something inside of Carlos.

The latino froze, his eyes going wide. It hadn't really passed his mind at how close James was to dying or even being paralyzed. He just imagined a bullet wound, a few weeks of work and it would have nothing to do with James. But it had been so much more. He was so close to being lost, so close to changing forever and they didn't even understand that until now.

He felt his legs start to wobble.

James' brain was messed up. His fingers started to twitch.

James' arm wouldn't work normally. He squeezed his eyes as they started to burn.

James' neck almost went limp. He went light headed.

_He couldn't breathe._

He didn't even know what was happening until he hit the ground, everything going black. His body felt so heavy. He could hear his name being screamed, but it was faint and slurred. What was wrong with him. His friend was who needed help, who needed the caring hugs and reassuring words. Not him. Why was he so weak, why couldn't he have helped James? Why did he just sit back and cry like a baby?

He felt like he was flying as the world's noises rushed back to him, everything in a blur as he opened his eyes. His two friends were on either side of him, looking at him through worried eyes. They cared so much and he was just laying here, defenseless. The doctor stood over him, checking him with his eyes.

Carlos sat up, rubbing at his head. How long had been laying here? He knew that in his world what felt like hours of darkness was a few minutes to them. He groaned, looking groggily around him. Oh that's right... the hospital. How fun. James needed him, everyone needed him, and he was passing out. This wasn't the time and he knew that, so why was he blacking out?

If he had passed out because he heard the news on James, how was James when those sickening wounds were inflicted on him?

Just the thought sent him scrambling to his feet, feeling his head go light again. Feeling as if he had just sucked helium from a balloon, he tottered. Logan and Kendall shot up from their seated position to steady Carlos who took needy breaths, scratching and gripping at his head. Logan shushed him and tried to grab the hand that inflicted harsh touches to Carlos' hand but it shot to the latino's side.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows in worry as he stared at his friend, Kendall's eyes filled with concern. "Stop sugar coating it, just tell us how he is and let us see him!" The teenager shouted, going over his anger. He could feel the blood boiling in his veins. He wasn't mad at his friends or the doctor, he was angry at himself. He had let himself go weak when it was James who needed him.

The doctor backed up a bit, nodding, "I guess that since I'm going to tell you now, you'll be here a while. So I'll go ahead and introduce myself. I am Dr. Miller and I will be taking care of James for as long as he is in this hospital. His condition is rough but he'll most definitely recover, along time of course. His brain is oxygen-deprived so he will not be himself for a while, his neck is perfectly fine it will just be a little strained, and his right arm with have difficulties but that can be fixed easily. There you go, are there any questions?" He spoke, giving out a reassuring smile at the ending. He was never really happy to give out this kind of news. He only wanted to be a doctor to save lives, not to announce to a family how messed up their loved one was.

The group took in the news, Carlos calming himself down with Kendall's shushes. Logan sighed and nodded, looking downward, "Can we at least see him, Mr. Miller?"

A true, sincere smile finally arose on the doctor's face as he could finally tell some good news. "Yes, yes you can. He's still trying to get used to speaking and there is a specialist in there with him at the moment, working on his neck and arm but if you don't mind that, you may go in."

But he already knew that they didn't care, so he didn't even wait. Before they answered, he started walking, motioning them to follow. Kendall's face brightened up, he didn't even care anymore. He didn't want to cry anymore, he didn't want to frown. And this news was just enough for him to follow through with it. He was going to smile going into that room and going out of that room. Logan and Carlos sported the same thoughts and smile, however, Carlos was literally running, trying to rush the doctor forward. He had to stop every once and a while, getting close to stepping on the doctor's shoes.

When they arrived at the door, the doctor nodded, "You can go in whenever you're ready," Then he walked away.

No one made a move, no one made a sound. Now the only thing separating them from their best friend was a door. They had to go in there and face their fears, to realize that with them James was going to be okay. And no matter how different he was emotionally or physically, they weren't going to split up. Why?

Because even when Carlos was the weirdo of the school, he ate lunch with him, went home with him, and did everything with him.

Because even when Logan was the geek of the school and was so skinny, he stood up for him every day and spent every second with him and Carlos. He accepted Logan for who he was.

Because even when Kendall was avoided and so close to breaking, he was always smiling and unlike others, he wasn't afraid to touch him and interact with his family.

Carlos, rocking back and forth on his heels, grabbed the door knob. He took a deep breath before turning it, closing his eyes. He jumped head first into his biggest fear with the most confidence he had ever had.

He stumbled to a stop, his arms limp by his sides as his eyes widened, tears over flowing. He heard Logan and Kendall stop behind him, placing their hands on his shoulders. He let out a choked sob as he wore the biggest smile known.

"James..."

Laying on the bed was their best friend, propped up in a sitting position. His face wasn't pale anymore, a little colorless but was still wearing a tan like before. His arm was laying in someone else's hands as they massaged it, fingers prodding and poking in random spots. The specialist was on the side further from the door, looking up with a smile when she heard the sob.

James' heard turned slowly, his neck obviously strained as his eyes laid on them. His eyes seemed a little distant, like they weren't well aware where he was and they didn't seem too focused, but it wasn't much of a difference. He didn't have a shirt on, instead was heavily bandaged around his chest. His bright smile suddenly appeared as the room became so much more lightened.

"You guys!" He exclaimed and Logan winced. He didn't sound the same. His voice was a little lopsided, confused as his brain tried to transfer his voice to him. But the smile that he wore was enough for Carlos to up and run.

The boy stopped at the bed, dropping to his knees as he wrapped his arms around James' shoulders, pulling him close. He sobbed into the neck, making sure not to move too roughly. James laughed above him, bringing his good arm up to rub Carlos' back. The latino cried hard into his shoulder, feeling his skin become slippery. At this point, he didn't care.

Ever since he had gotten out of his surgery he was confused, lightheaded. He saw things, like random lights and sometimes people. But then it would disappear. When the doctor told him what his condition was, he had become aware of the strain in his neck, the weight pulling him down. And his arm hurt drastically, begging the doctor for morphine. When he'd gotten it and only had a few seconds to think about his wounds, he fell asleep thinking about his friends. He couldn't care less about his body, he just wanted to make sure his best friends were okay.

When he woke up, he was introduced to Mrs. Latimere. She was his specialist and was to help him learn how to get his arm back to normal. She told him that within a couple of weeks his neck and arm would be the same and in only about a week his brain would be much better.

But that didn't help that all the strange things he saw scared him a bit.

At first, when his friends came into the room, he thought that he was hallucinating. But when he saw the tears in Carlos' eyes, he had never felt so much glee. Not only had he been so happy to see one of his friends, but when the other two entered with a soft smile, he was in oblivion with so much happiness. At that moment he knew that all he wanted to do was to get out of here and get back to his normal life. With his best friends.

Honestly, as he held Carlos, he had seen the looks in their eyes when they first entered the room. Before the crying came, they had that fire in their eyes. The kind that Gustavo told him he didn't have. There was confidence in those eyes. There was courage and spirit. Through those eyes James could tell that they would be there for him no matter what. But he saw it, the hint of pain in those eyes. He knew just what they were doing.

As the other two joined, holding each other closely, the specialist backed up from the group, waiting patiently. Looking down at them, James felt Kendall's fingers suddenly start running through his hair. He looked up to see Kendall looking him straight in the eyes.

They thought that they owed him.

* * *

_**JAMES POV**_

I never understood what I did wrong. Was I ugly? Was I stupid?

My father wasn't a bad man, no. He was a great man actually. He took care of me and my mom the best he could. We were rich and that made him happy, made him feel like he was the king of the world. Until the one day I told him what I wanted to be.

He got angry, told me not to be a little girl. He wanted me to own his business, to keep my family rich and to take care of them when they got older. But I wanted to be a pop star, a singer. Growing up he said I was a great singer, always listening to me and smiling. So hadn't he supported the decision?

Apparently not. Because that was the first day he hit me.

It went through, weeks and weeks. But I always hid it and never showed it at school, for I was in the middle. Everyone liked me and I liked everyone, it was a perfect life at school. But when I got home, it was hell. I still took care of myself, ate the right foods and didn't go into depression. So the school never saw me as a different person. They didn't see me as a freak or anything. They thought my life was normal. I had the best clothes, the best smile and body. For a third grader, I had muscles that I was gifted with. I was thankful for my life no matter what my father did.

Every other week turned into weekly, then weekly turned into daily. Every time I got home, he would hit me. He would tell me all about his business and if I didn't seem interested, I was beaten. My mom always tried to talk to him, because he wouldn't dare touch her. He loved her so much.

My mother was the definition of beautiful. She had long, curly brown hair. She had healthy, tan skin with white and shiny teeth. She never received crow's feet and never got wrinkles. She was just perfect. She had a lovely singing voice and she moved gracefully. I loved her and so did my daddy.

Then he started drinking. And his sanity went down the hole. He went as low as to start hurting mom. It wasn't as bad as me though, only a slap when she didn't fully please him. But when that one night came, when she said the wrong thing, he tried to choke her over dinner. I remember stabbing him, the look on his face as he turned around with mad eyes. He had gone insane. He dropped my mom and attacked me, ruthlessly kicking and punching me. I can still hear my mother screaming for him to stop, grabbing at him.

My mother called the police on him and he was taken away that day. He was to spend his life in prison for child abuse. He deserved it. I guess I never really understood how one conversation between my future career could ruin our lives.

When my school heard about it, they just shrugged. Why? Because it didn't change me. I acted the same, taking a year to rebuild my mother back before she was back to normal, accepting it. She became a cosmetic seller, keeping us at a good rate of money income. The school thought that I was the same. But on the inside, I was still just as confused and down as I was the day he was taken away.

I was still young, so I didn't completely understand what had happened. But I did know that my dad was gone forever and I accepted it as well, knowing that me and my mother would never feel pain again. So I wasn't too upset about it. Because caught up in his work, we never really bonded much before he began the beating. As my scars healed and fourth grade came along, I realized who I wanted to be. I wanted to be a nice person, someone who could help others.

Because no one ever reached out to help me.

Then I learned about Carlos, the weirdo of the school. But when I looked at him, getting into trouble, I saw a star. I saw a boy who knew who he was and didn't care what others thought of him. He was going to live life to the fullest. And I knew that some way, I had to help him reach his goal. With so many people putting him down, one day he would fall. I couldn't allow it.

I was going to be a singer. I had to stand up for what I believed in by myself, I had to keep myself on track even after every day I was told how worthless I was. And every day when I thought that I'd give up, I had to tell myself who I was and to stand up.

So I'd be Carlos' light, I was going to lead him through the darkness.

When I pushed him down, taking the hit. My memories came back of getting hit by my father. Almost as if I was hallucinating, I saw my father in front of me instead of a bully. I never told Carlos that the person I hit back was my father, not the kid.

As our friendship increased. He taught me that I was always on the right path. That no matter what others told me, to follow my dream. That no matter how many people pushed me down, making me fall back, to just smile and shrug it off. Prove to them that it didn't matter. That I was who I was and it wasn't going to change.

Then in fifth grade, we found Logan. We were told by some people that he was a nerd, not to worry about him. Almost instantly when we saw how skinny he was but how talented he was, that we would bring him back to the world. Me and Carlos were late, playing around. We were heading to class and found the bully pinning Logan to the wall. Immediately we nodded to each other before I spoke the very words that formed our friendship.

"I wouldn't do that If I were."

Carlos threw a punch, Logan hastily landing on his feet as the bully dropped to the ground. I smiled softly to Logan before stepping over the kid, laying my hand on the bony shoulder. I can remember how skinny he was. I made a vow to fix him.

As the three of us became friends, I learned something. Logan taught me that we all had our talents and that we didn't need to change them. Because some day, they would become _us. _Even if at this moment, if our talents were what made our life so harsh, it was what was going to get us through life later on. I don't have to quit singing, because I'm good at that. Carlos didn't need to quit being happy, because it made his day. And Logan didn't have to act dumb, because one day it would get himself somewhere in life. Logan taught me that everyone was different and that we just had to wear our talents greatly.

Then in sixth grade, we met Kendall. But this wasn't the same. I saw Kendall always alone, but he wasn't hurt or touched. He was completely avoided. And even if nobody could see it, I could. The absence of friends was what was really depriving him of happiness. When sources told me that his father was dead, I instantly knew that out of my trio, I was the one that could connect and help him the most.

We both didn't have a father.

I remember seeing him with sagging eyes and sunken cheeks. He wasn't looking good. Depression had ridden him of any happiness and I could tell that whenever someone walked by, they would try not to touch him. And because of this, I knew that he didn't like contact. Not because it scared him, but because he wasn't used to it. I knew exactly how he was feeling. He was feeling alone, like I had. He didn't have anyone to help him, like me. And most importantly, he didn't have anyone to lead him the right way. I had to be that person.

The day that I walked pass the classroom with Logan and Carlos, I heard what the teacher told him. I knew that we had to help him. So on the way home, we learned that he lived on the same road as we did. We ran up to him and a thought jumped into my head. I mustered as much confidence as I could and when I reached him, I planted my hand on his shoulder. I felt him flinch before he relaxed and when we told him that Logan could tutor him, I saw the look in his eyes. He didn't have much, but just that human contact and the help that Logan was presenting him with, he had gained hope.

That Friday we took him ice skating. We learned that he was great at it, just his physical health wasn't too great. So knowing that he loved hockey like us, then we had to be there for him. We had to show him that he could do whatever he wanted if he could just fix himself.

We went home with him, even after his hesitance, and met his family. A flicker of shock hit me. His family was going through it with him. They weren't happy and were looking unhealthy as well. So I took the opportunity to try and make them happy. With one joke while greeting myself, they laughed. I saw that look in Kendall's eyes and instantly knew that I could be the only one to help him.

That night when Logan and Carlos left, I stayed the night. I explained to him what had happened to me. And ever since then, we had become best friends. I went home with him every Friday and tutored him for a while before we played around. Every Wednesday Logan helped him and he passed the sixth grade. We all knew that he had it in him and honestly, I have never been so happy to meet someone.

Becoming best friends with Kendall, I've learned that I shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. And that when I'm having an extreme problem, to have others come into my life and not let depression win. Because if sadness defeats my happiness, then everything in my life can be ruined. It's known that we are the closest in the group because I was the first to ever try and help Kendall, Carlos and Logan following shortly. It was my first touch, my first smile, his family's first laugh that brought us so close. Kendall taught me that I always had people around me loving me.

My best friends should never think that they owe me. Because in complete and utter honesty, they have given me everything I've ever wanted and they taught me more than I could ever be grateful for.

They were and always will be my brothers.

* * *

**Sob, sob, sob! So sad, so the POV stuff is over with, I just wanted everyone to understand that EVERY SINGLE BOY is not perfect in any way. It was their past that brought them together. So please, review and tell me how I did, thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well hello there, amazing reviewers (; How's it been? So here we are... alone... together... LET'S READ! :D**

**Don't worry guys, just letting you know that this isn't just a recovery story. The summary says it all, he isn't just left alone, there is always a plot to a story that goes beyond all odds (;**

**I just wanted this time to say... oh god, I promised that I wouldn't cry. Okay, like I say, I just wanted to take this time to tell you that... YOU'RE THE GREATEST REVIEWERS EVER! I appreciate everything you've done even if its only chapter 4! I feel like we've been through so much together (': **

**So, enough of my sappy thank you, here are the... well... thank yous. Haha.**

**anon - I see what you did there (; . xx**

**PsychBTRLover - Yes, there will be more background, because like I said, this isn't a recovery story. (: Thank you! . xx**

**chocolate-colombo - DON'T DIE. Oh, now that you're awake, thank you! I appreciate it and I had the need to explain him to you guys! (: . xx**

**PizzaTop21 - Wow. I loved your review. Wow (; Oh. My. God. You just explained everything better than I did, hahah! Darn you. And maybe, just maybe, you're 99% right? Hm? Haha, thank you so much! . xx**

**CarlosPenaLuverBTR1 - You'll find out soon! (: Thank you so much for the review! . xx**

**Magiccatprincess - In this case, I'm glad that you cried! (: Thank you! . xx**

**SashaLovesBananas - My ovaries just exploded. Yes, I am done with the POVs. I put them early in the chapters so that I could go ahead and get into the actual plot without any interruptions. You needed to read them to understand what happens in the next chapters. And I am honored to read your long reviews (; Muscles... (Drool.) I'm flawless, yaaaaay! Thank you sooo much! . xx**

**fabulous36 - I'm sorry Hockey Accident is gone, I suddenly just got attracted to Bleach and then soon... well, you know what happened. Thank you for the review, I hope Attacked will be as good! . xx**

**And now, on to the story! :D**

* * *

James couldn't hold back his smile as he stared back into Kendall's eyes. As he had thought earlier, he wasn't going to let them think that they owed him anything, but the last thing he wanted to do was to extinguish their fire. He was just going to have to let them do as they pleased.

Kendall's fingers stopped on top of his head as they both looked down at Logan and Carlos who huddled next to James, practically laying on his bed. Their tears were long gone but now they were just living the moment, almost scared that if they let go, James would disappear.

"I'm glad you're back buddy," Kendall smiled, pulling his hand back, watching as James' face fell. Loss of human contact wasn't much of the problem however, knowing that he had two boys clinging to him.

James' infamous smile reappeared, "I missed you guys."

Without even another word, Kendall's face filled with mischief as he quirked his eyebrow. Out of the blue, Kendall pounced forward, sprawling over James as he wrapped his arms around the lean figure. James cried out, following up with a laugh as he hugged Kendall back, suddenly feeling their other two friends join the group hug, or tackle.

There was massive pain in his neck and his brain was suddenly so foggy, too slow to not lag. So at this point, he just smiled and accepted it. He had to remember that even when he didn't know where he was going, his friends were there. He just had to trust him.

Kendall sat up, straddling his waste with a smirk. Logan felt obliged to at this moment grab a few chairs, setting the three by James' hospital bed. However, as him and the latino sat down with gushing happiness, Kendall just got comfortable in his best friend's lap.

With a chuckling laugh, James shook his head. He didn't care how they were positioned, how they looked, or how he felt. He was just so happy to have them by his side and know that he was going to be okay.

With a sigh of happiness, Kendall looked down at the bandages. Wincing a bit.

The specialist stepped forward, taking her seat. Noticing that their moment had settled down, she reached for James who practically pouted as he allowed her to grab a hold of his right arm. He turned to his friends, seeing them watching his arm.

Almost immediately he frowned, not wanting this. He was really hoping that they wouldn't treat him differently, that he was still the same James. Just with a few issues to take care of. Noticing the slight upsetness, Logan cleared his throat.

"We were in that waiting room for a while, how long have you been awake?"

James tapped his chin, thinking as his eyes flickered over to Mrs. Latimere. "I was awake after my surgery for about five minutes before I was given morphine. But just recently, I've been awake for about two hours maybe," He smiled, nodding along with his words.

Carlos sighed, looking over his shoulder.

"Can you flex?" Latimere asked, placing her hands on his bicep. He instantly clenched his fist but felt it to be weak, almost instantly letting off. His well done muscles went back to normal and his eyebrows furrowed. Logan looked down, his eyes looking away. He hated that James was going to have to learn this, but he was just going to have to trust that James could take it.

The specialist took a few seconds before she took some notes before placing her hand in the same spot, "Try again, James."

He tried once again, his muscles flexing for about three seconds before it collapsed, him letting out a huff as he caught his breath. This wasn't good, they knew this because he was out of breath. That meant he was forcing his biceps up.

Latimere sighed before nodding, "Does it hurt?"

"No," He simply stated, turning to look at his friends. He felt a pang in his heart when he saw them looking away. He didn't want this. He couldn't take it, knowing that he had new problems and they were looking away.

He was ashamed.

"How long will it be, before he gets out?" Carlos suddenly blurted out, his eyes gleaming as the others looked up. James smiled lightly. A major weight was lifted as he saw the childish look in Carlos' eyes. He wasn't asking in concern or anger. He was asking in excitement. He wanted to get back to having fun with James, to singing and jumping around. Doing random acts of stupidity.

The specialist smiled gently, prodding at James' shoulder, "In about a week or two, not too long."

James grimaced at his shoulder, shying away. His face filled with discomfort and Kendall instantly jumped in, "He doesn't like that," His eyes were full of awareness as he leaned over James' body. He sounded just like a mom. The woman backed away, knowing not to mess with someone protecting James.

She went ahead to stand up, her fingers wrapping around James' neck gently, pressing at random spots. For a few minutes James squirmed as he was tickled relentlessly but accidentally as she asked him where it hurt. The other three just watched, laughing at James' torture. He was so ticklish.

When she was finally done, she packed up her package and smiled. "Now James, I'm going to leave you be for now. I'll be back tomorrow and take this to heart, make sure not to overexert your brain and don't be afraid to ask for help. I'll see you soon," She smiled, patting him on the shoulder before leaving.

It went quiet, no one speaking.

They had made everything seem so real, so happy. When on the inside, they still had their doubts. Kendall shifted on James' lap, staring at the pretty boy. It would never be the same. James would probably have long-term damage, physical and emotional. What if he was too afraid to get back on the stage, what if he was targeted again?

James' strained voice broke the silence, "I knew people didn't like me... but I never expected someone to hurt me..." His voice was so heavy, like humidity in the air. His quivering eyes met with Kendall's.

"Shh, no James, that's not it," Kendall whispered, planting his palms on James' chest, "You have so much fans, so many people who love you. That was the very first attempt to assassinate any of us. That person doesn't deserve your tears."

James shook his head, looking away. Ever since he got into high school, he was so much more aware of his looks. Because of what his father always told him, he started to make sure that he looked good. He checked his hair every few minutes, made sure to dress perfectly. People thought that he was just trying to look good.

Well, they were wrong.

Every time he looked at himself in the mirror, he reminded himself of how ugly he was. He told himself that he was still worthless, that his father was right. So every day he tried his best to make himself look good. It wasn't that he was conceited, it was the opposite. It was his low self-esteem. He checked over and over, trying to make himself look better, when on the inside, he knew that he couldn't do that. He was the definition of imperfection.

But whenever he got on the stage, he saw all of the signs, heard his name, watched the screaming fans go crazy. When on his twitter hundreds of people messaged him or tagged him, asking him to marry them or be their boyfriend. He would just smile, laughing. It made his day. Then he went to bed; Kendall always waking him up and holding him after a nightmare. Then in the morning, he would start over. Seeing an ugly person in the mirror, going through the day trying to fix himself, then having girls go crazy over him. It was a routine.

It was what tore him apart.

The only thing keeping him sane was his friends. Just the laughs and smiles they gave him, the hugs and tackles, the random pouncing and play fights. Those were what reminded him that his father wasn't here anymore. That everything he said was a lie, just out of pure hatred.

Kendall was always the one that ended up rocking him in the middle of night, shushing him and reminded him how beautiful he was, what a star he was. Sometimes he made jokes to laugh off the tears. Other nights, he would break down and Kendall would follow short, _begging _him to realize who he really was. He was told plenty of times that he was just getting lost in the crowd, not seeing what was right in front of him.

If it weren't for his best friends, he would probably be a mad man.

There was one time when he finally broke, when Kendall wasn't there for him. Kendall had gone back to Minnesota for a family death. The last night that Kendall was gone, James finally couldn't take it and he locked his door. He threw up countless times that night, pulling at his hair and scratching at his own skin. Nobody heard him because he kept the sink running. The next morning he woke up to the door being broken open.

Kendall had never held him so long. For the whole day they stayed in the room, locking everyone else out. Kendall talked non-stop, telling him that he was gorgeous every hour, that he was funny every minute, that he was _perfect _every second. He had bandages all up his arms and legs, one on his cheek. His hair was combed and fixed, the whole time he sat there limp. He hadn't recovered until that very night when Kendall held him to sleep, not even getting into separate beds.

It never got as bad anymore because Kendall made sure that he never left him.

Every one thought that James was perfect and happy, well he was far from that. He had his moments when he was just so happy with his friends and was acting as the good 'ole James Diamond, but on the inside he would never be the same.

He squeezed his eyes closed, feeling Logan and Carlos grip at his hand and arm, "I know... I shouldn't be so upset about it but... why is it always me?"

"It's not, James! Remember when someone threw a bottle at Logan and the concert got canceled?" Carlos rushed.

Logan smirked and chuckled at the memory, he had almost jumped into the crowd and beaten the kid who was taken into custody. But then again, there was a big difference between a gun and a bottle. James was intended to be killed. Logan was supposed to just get angry.

James eased up and nodded, sighing. "I guess that I should just stop being upset and see the silver lining huh? I'll be out of here in no time and everything will be normal!" He smiled, his teeth shining as Kendall backed up, smirking.

Sure this person intended to kill him, to damage him for life. But then again, James Diamond wasn't that easy to break.

* * *

It had been two weeks and the specialist had done her work. After these two weeks of treating his arm and testing his brain, he was back to normal. Of course his neck still felt a little pressure and his arm twitched sometimes, but his brain was far from damaged. His speech was perfected and his senses were no longer blurred and smeared. He was old James.

Back into his normal clothes, Carlos tugged James down the hallway.

"Don't run!" Logan screamed, watching as the two almost instantly screeched to a walking pace. But knowing Carlos, the latino kept it at a power walk, James practically stumbling behind him.

Kendall crossed his arms beside Logan, grinning at the annoyed look. "I'm glad this nightmare is over..." He murmured, watching the other two turn the corner to the waiting room. Through the first week, it was hell. James was always being checked out by Mrs. Latimere or he was crazy with morphine. When he was actually awake and alone, he was worried about his condition and the three friends had to bring him back to the surface with a few jokes and some reassuring words.

The second week was heaven, the total opposite of the first. The specialist said that by the end of that week, he would be functioning normally and that they just had to keep him here for the time being to make sure that he healed well. His shot wound was long gone, just a few stitches. They had already sunken though and left the smallest of a scar.

Now here they were, Saturday afternoon, leaving the hospital. Carlos had woken his friend up, literally dragged him out of the bed, and the doctors had to come and pull Carlos away. The two had been halfway down the hallway and James was still in his scrubs.

Logan walked into the waiting room to facepalm. Carlos was legit trying to pull James out of the door. Carlos was on the outside, and James was on the inside with a doctor pulling him. Like always, Carlos was screaming nonsense.

The two rushed over and grabbed Carlos, huffing as he pouted, staring at James who tried to catch his breath, giving the doctor a thumbs up.

"You can't just drag a patient out of here!" The doctor scolded, shaking his head. Kendall rose his hand, motioning for him to stop. James stood straight, finally able to catch his breath.

"Don't yell at him, he's just excited," Kendall narrowed his eyes, almost threateningly. Behind him, Logan smacked Carlos in the back of the head, whispering scolding words. James laughed while Kendall stayed silent, staring down the doctor who agreed, walking towards the desk.

When he was gone, Kendall turned to Carlos and Logan with a huff. "You're lucky me and Logan got here, Carlos," He pointed at him, his eyebrows rising. James stood on the side, watching the doctor sign him out. He hadn't seen Dr. Miller today and he was actually planning on saying goodbye. But he didn't have much of a choice once the doctor announced that they could leave, stalking off, annoyed with the four boys.

Carlos let out a cry as he grabbed James, once again, and pulled him away. There was no time to waste, Carlos seemed to think, because Gustavo and Kelly were waiting out in the parking lot for them.

Logan and Kendall groaned, "Look both ways before crossing the street!"

James laughed in the distance, Carlos going soft for only a few seconds to look both ways before continuing his rampage of dragging James towards the limo that was parked on the side. Lord knew that Carlos was excited to get out of here.

However when they arrived there, Gustavo took two seconds to greet James before turning to Carlos and screaming at him. "Hello, dog," He nodded to James, watching as Kelly launched herself towards the pretty boy. He then turned to the latino, "What were you thinking!"

Carlos just shrugged and grinned sheepishly, "I'm happy."

He went to scream again but stopped, thinking over the innocent answer before sagging his shoulders. "Alright, whatever just get in the car."

Logan and Kendall waited for Kelly to let go of James as Carlos climbed in, the three following shortly. It almost felt so normal, Kendall beside James facing Logan beside Carlos. All were smiling as Gustavo drove.

He'd never admit how much he had missed James and worried about him. His pride never aloud him to go and visit him while Kelly always gave him the option to come with her. Of course he cared, a lot. But business was business and he couldn't get too attached. When he first saw James, it took him everything not to hug him and tell him how happy he was to see him.

The dogs were his sons.

But through all the laughter and grinning, the jokes and random acts, James felt his phone vibrate. It had been brought to him last week, being found back stage by a police officer searching for clues. It was a text.

He smirked when he felt Carlos fall into his lap, Logan trampling over him as they playfully fought. "You guys!" He laughed, pulling his phone out to check the message, only to furrow his brows. That was strange... it was an unknown number.

He just shrugged, it was probably a fan. He had a doubt in his mind though as he clicked 'open,' because most fans had said things on his twitter telling him to get better and he didn't remember ever giving away his number...

Then he read the text, freezing. His eyes widened and for the first time, he didn't even listen to his friends as all he could hear was his own rapid heart beat. He felt like he was going to faint.

_"Payback's a bitch."_

* * *

**Oh shit. 0.0 LANGUAGE. Sorry, I liked the ending. A little short, I know, I'm sorry. FORGIVE ME. Waaaaiiiihhhhh. Anyway, enough of my mental breakdowns, here comes the amazing plot. I didn't think that I could make you guys wait anymore. Review and tell me how I did please! THANK YOU. XXXX**_  
_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, don't worry a chapter is coming quickly! I just got back from a trip with the school for 4 days, so I didn't have time to update but I promise I'll make it up to you guys!**

**But here's the news, I've recently looked up some ideas and I took up a challenge that I should use so I have a question. **

**The challenge is that I put my music on shuffle for a story and with each chapter I have to go with the MOOD, not the lyrics like all of those shuffle chapters. Like if I listen to a sad song, then that's the mood of the chapter. So here's your choices;**

**I can make a whole new Kames story with the challenge and randomly pick a new song for each chapter, a new topic and story each chapter. Which means that every chapter would be a drabble.**

**Or.**

**I can do it with this one and with every chapter update I can put the song on the top that I listened to while typing, and you can listen on to it to understand the mood of the chapter. Like for my new chapter, I can randomly pick an energetic, sad, or angry song, which will be the tone of that chapter. You get it?  
**

**So, please answer this and I'll get my new chapter in to you guys tomorrow! It's all up to you! I just want to try out the challenge in some way!**

**Thank you, please review with your answer! See you soon!**

**- Sara . xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, who is that hottie reading this? (;**

**Thank you so much for all of the amazing reviews! I wish I could thank you in some great way...**

**To the thank yous!**

**acsgrlie - Thank you, that's what I intended! . xx**

**PizzaTop21 - OMG, I READ ONE OF YOUR STORIES! FINISH THEM, NOW. Thank you. Aw, you're my little smart reviewer (; I looked like an idiot laughing at your review in Walmart... but to me, being idiotic is what makes life fun. I constantly try to throw myself out there. ANYWAY... steaaaak... . xx**

**PsychBTRLover - Awyyyysss, thank you hunnn . xx**

**chocolate-colombo - I'm sorry D: Oh fuck, you're just bitchin around, (; That flashback was just so cute, huhhh? Oh trust me... I want his numba too. Thanks girl, I really appreciate it! . xx**

**CarlosPenaLuverBTR1 - He's always cuteee (: Did you know that my phone blocked out your cuss words? Haha, I was like, "Whaaat?" That's so stupid... anyway haha, off topic. I'd punch that person, so hard, James would marry me. I list of people? DARN. Thank youuu . xx**

**AlyssaMaslow - (chapter 3) Awe, thank you! . xx (chapter 4 ) Don't have a heart attack! D: Every one says they know and won't say it, I pout whenever they say that because I wanna know 3: Buuuttt, don't ruin it so good idea! I haven't read your stories, shall I do that? I have been stuck up on HitsuIchi though, so I don't think you'll like those. I plan more Big Time Rush stories, I have them written down. I'm just waiting for the perfect timing. (; Thank you! . xx**

**sk8r-grl - Aw shucks, shank you . xx**

**SashaLovesBananas - Sorry, I prefer to update every day if I can haha! Why thank you, I love tormenting James (; Carlos reminds me of a puppy sometimes... Okay, we switch. While I smack Gustavo, you pinch Carlos' cheeks, then we rotate. Sound good? I think so! By the way, your description for James made me want to jump out of a window. THANK YOU . xx**

**Magiccatprincess - By come on, admit it, cliffhangers make you want more, right? (; Thank you! . xx**

**Now on to the story.**

_This is a flashback!_

* * *

He still didn't move, feeling the two boys on his lap laughing and wrestling. Kendall on the other end was doubled over, trying to catch his breath as he avoided any feet coming his way. Any other time, James would probably get into it and laugh along. But under the circumstances, he would probably lose his sanity. He knew that the only thing keeping him from breaking right here, right now was not moving. His body was almost not even functioning and it kept his tears inside. He was on a thin string, one pull away from his own little world and he would be nothing but a mad man.

It was just a message, right? It didn't mean anything, right? He always got insulting tweets, ones that stung but he knew that it didn't matter. But this was different, he could just feel it. Some how this person had got his number, some how they had found it out and texted him this scary message. Which only made it more frightening. In the back of his mind he asked himself, what if this was his attacker?

He felt his fingers start to shake, his whole body quivering. No... he was coming back to reality. He didn't move, he couldn't. It would result in terrible acts. It would result in him falling back, completely losing it.

"Oh god," He whispered before he could even stop himself. That was it, that was what threw him over that thin line of sanity. His fingers twitched uncontrollably, losing the phone to gravity as it slammed down on Carlos' chest.

The latino gasped in surprise, staring at the phone, stopping his antics with Logan. The smart boy froze, only now becoming aware of the terrible shaking beneath him and looked up, wincing as a warm liquid hit his cheek.

Kendall's head snapped to James' direction, instantly forgetting about his laughing. He straightened up, scooting a little closer. But before he could even get closer to James, the pretty boy screamed. His hands flew up to his face, covering it as he cried out into it. As the hysteric sobbing reached Logan and Carlos' ears, the latino was instantly up and went to action.

Almost bringing a chuckle to Logan, who reached for the phone in panic, Carlos literally squeezed between James and the door. It was obviously, very uncomfortable but he didn't care. His friend was just randomly breaking down, for some apparent reason.

James shook his head, crying louder as Carlos' arm slipped around his waist, Kendall laying his hand on his chest, trying to calm him down. He could feel the quick, rapid heart beat from outside his shirt. His chest heaved, dropping drastically as he gasped for air.

While Carlos begged for what was wrong and Kendall started to hush him, Logan slipped from his seat to the floor, re-opening the phone. He felt his knees lock underneath him, above him the three still doing their thing as he read the message. As his eyes peered over the message, he felt his widen. Logan couldn't believe it, this message wasn't any normal one. Using his analyzing eyes, he could tell that behind these simple three words, there was a threat. It was reminding James that he got what he deserved and that it wasn't the end.

The other two didn't know about it, but he was sure that James hadn't realized it either. The boy was completely emotional, his hormones going out of control, preventing him from completely understanding it.

Logan smiled sadly as he handed the phone to Carlos, reaching up. He had to be the one to try and fix this truly, not just by hugs and reassuring. He crossed his legs on the floor Indian style, gently grabbing James' hands that covered his face.

Before he pried them open, he watched Carlos shakily hand the phone to Kendall who slowly read it. Almost instantly his eyes rapidly read it over, and over, and over... Kendall wasn't very happy. Carlos and Kendall sat back, still hushing James as the phone was put down, throwing away their own reactions to the text for James' sake.

As the hands were moved away, held in Logan's, eyes winced. James' face was completely pale, his eyes blood-shot red and his eyelashes wet and sparkly. His lip trembled along with his eyebrows. He was shaking, emotionally and physically. Why emotionally? Because on the inside, he had broke. At this point, the only things that he could focus on was what was hurting him. His brain was so out of control that all he could think about was the text, what it meant, who sent it, how they got his number. His muscles were only telling him to cry harder as they tightened and strained. And his heart was beating too quickly, too rapidly for him to even calm down. His body was deceiving him. Logan had to fix this quickly and calmly, or things could go bad.

He positioned their hands, so they were cupping each other's. "Hey, buddy," He whispered, "Come on now, calm down. Right now you're just in a bad situation and this just happened at the wrong time, wrong place. You've got to remember that that text was just like any other, just a hollow threat. It meant nothing, just like all the others you've ever received. You're just in a situation where all you can think of is your attacker," He gently spoke, rubbing his thumb against James' knuckles. The speech was short, knowing Logan, but he wasn't done. He smiled greater, hearing sniffles instead of crying. But this wasn't good enough. Sure on the outside he was better, but on the inside, he was still wrecked.

"Look, James. Look around you," He whispered, motioning to the other two around them, "Right now you have three of your best friends, three of your _brothers_ who would do anything for you. We are right here and we are never leaving. I swear to god, that no matter how much we tease you or how much fighting we go through, all four of us will stick together and if we have to, we will always be there to pick up the other. Maybe right now you don't realize it, and you may never, but you've got to see that through life we have never been so close. Everything we've gone through, everyone we've had to forget, has only proved that no matter what we are closer than family, James. We aren't just friends, we aren't just band mates, we aren't just brothers, we are soul mates. Not in the romantic way, but by heart. We complete each other and if we just lose one of us, we're all going to crash. James no matter what, if you go down, we go down with you," He spoke in a determined, but hushed voice as the boys were slowly touched by the pep talk. It was all so true;

They had never noticed, it was obvious to them yes, but it never sunk so deep into their heads. They were inseparable. They meant _everything _to each other. They most likely wouldn't even be able to move to different houses before running back to each other.

James' sniffles were long gone by now as he rubbed his eyes, nodding. That was all they got was a nod, but only the four of them knew that it meant much more than a head movement. He promised to improve, to listen to each and every word they said. He understood that they were in this together, he wasn't alone and he never would be. He had brought them together and if he wasn't careful, he would bring them all down.

* * *

When they got inside, James instantly went to his room, not taking any time to actually say anything. The other three exchanged some looks, but dropped it when Mrs. Knight and Katie came into view, smiling with their arms wide open.

"You guys!" Katie cried out, throwing her arms around them as much as she could, stepping back for her mom to give her greeting, she furrowed her brows.

"Hey mom," Kendall smiled, taking the last hug as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Katie's voice broke everyone apart, "Where's James at?"

Logan cleared his throat, as his eyes met with Kendall's, "He, uh... went to his room. If you'd like, I'll go see how he's doing. Carlos and Kendall, I think you guys should tell them what happened," He muttered, taking James' phone out of his pocket to hand to his friend, smiling gently to the two girls before him. Concern and curiosity filled they eyes as they turned to Kendall and Carlos, Logan headed off through the hallway.

The voices of his friends fell faint as he stopped at the end, ignoring all of his consciences' pleads and pressed his ear to the door. When he didn't hear anything, he sighed in relief and knocked. He waited for a few seconds, before the weak voice barely passed through the door.

"Come in..."

Logan took a deep breath and twisted the knob, throwing a smile on his face. He stepped in, quietly shutting the door behind him. "Hey buddy," He whispered gently, stepping forward to the bed, "How're you doing?"

"You don't have to talk to me like a five year old, Logie... I'm fine, just really tired," James murmured, looking up from his spot in his bed. He pulled the pillow from his face and sighed, shrugging. "I'm not upset, really, just exhausted."

Logan sat on the side of the bed, smirking at the nickname, "Yeah, sorry about that. Crying can make you really tired. Well hey, how about you come in here and just let Katie and Mrs. K give you a hug and what-not, they really missed you," He eased in, patting James' shin.

He sighed and nodded, sitting up. "Sure, I'll be there in a second."

Before he could stand up, he felt a hand suddenly push him down from his chest. He rose an eyebrow at Logan who stuck out his tongue. "How about you just stay here and I'll bring them in here, so you can just lay down and get you some rest alright?"

Logan knew just by the sagging of his eyes and shoulders that emotionally and physically, he was just dead tired. He was ready to take a nap and get a little sleep before dinner tonight and there was nothing wrong with that. Logan had to be understanding, and the others too. They had to make sure to think before saying or doing anything to James, making sure to do what was best for him. Right now, all he needed was sleep and Logan would do that for him.

James just gave a smile, nodding as he laid back on his pillows, "Whatever you say."

The smart boy stood up, but before he left, he threw a wink over his shoulder.

Walking back to the family room, he grinned at everyone as they turned to him. "He's just fine, just a little tired. James needs to get some sleep so if you two could just come in there, it'll be better for his health. Follow me," He motioned for them to follow, Carlos and Kendall sagged into the couch, turning to the TV in boredom. In the inside, however, they were giddy with relief and happiness. Maybe everything could go back to normal.

Kendall smiled as he watched them walk away, "I mean come on, what could happen?"

* * *

Katie and mom opened the door to see James sitting on the side of the bed, looking up to them instantly with a smile. Logan held the door open for them, letting the two women rush in with nonsense flying out of their mouths. He just stood by, sliding his hands into his pockets.

"James!" Katie screamed, launching herself at him. He grunted but laughed as he held her close, feeling Mrs. K's arms thrown around him. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sweet nothings that they sprouted out to him.

He was so glad to be back home.

"It's so good to see you guys," He smirked, "I've missed my two favorite girls!"

Katie just nudged her head into his abs, smiling incredibly. Mrs. Knight agreed, holding back her tears of joy. Of course they had seen him while he was in the hospital, but only once. And it was never the same without him around. It was the same with all of the boys, if one was missing, nothing was normal and it never would be until they were all together again.

The two pulled away from him, Mrs. K planting her hand on his shoulder with support. "I guess we should leave you to rest now," He frowned but she continued, "See you in the morning James." She planted a kiss on his cheek, Katie giving a hug before they walked out of the room. James plopped back down onto his bed as he looked over at Logan.

"We'll bring you some dinner soon, you stay in bed for the rest of the night, okay?"

James nodded. Dinner in bed? He'd never really had that except for that one time he'd broken his leg. But he wasn't one to argue so he just nodded and gave a quick thanks before Logan made it out of the room.

By the time he reached the living area, he saw all of the others had gathered on the couches, talking together. It was a friendly conversation. But it was being said now because there was about to be a very serious talk, one that they had to be ready for.

When he sat down beside Kendall and Carlos, Katie was cast away by Mamma Knight's stern eyes, sending the child to her room. This wasn't something that a mere child should have to hear. This was something that had destroyed a strong, confident boy. Something that had brought him to his insecurities, to his knees. He had gone from his signature smile to tears. They still didn't understand it themselves.

What had he done? He was just a kid, who would even do this? He was hated because he was doing what he loved the most. He was just living his life and it caused him to get shot. Was this really what people had resulted to?

These questions were just flowing through everyone's minds, making it impossible to speak with sense. Anger was filling their veins quickly, shame was pressing their brains, depression was intertwining their ribs, fear was biting at their minds, and confusion was spiking their hearts. It was hard to understand any of this, it was just almost impossible. It killed Kendall on the inside to even think that his best friend had gotten hurt so bad.

"Why...?"

All heads turned to Mrs. Knight as she shook her head, flexing her fingers, "Why would someone do this, what did he do!" She rose her voice, turning her bewildered eyes at her boys. She didn't care anymore about staying calm, quiet, and centered. She wanted to let go of her facade and give the bastard that hurt her little boy a good beating. She wanted him to learn a lesson, she wanted him dead.

Logan's hands fidgeted with the couch in frustration, "I-I don't kn-"

"Why does he deserve this! James never did anything, James doesn't need this! He's a beautiful, sweet, kind boy who wouldn't even hurt a fly unless it's for a good reason. I've never known James to hurt anyone unless it was to protect his loved ones, never! It's impossible... the thought just drives me crazy!"

"Mom!" Kendall screamed, cutting her off, "Calm down, right now! At this point, no one needs to be screaming and no one needs to be getting angry. This is not the situation or the time. Mom, what would you do if James heard?"

Her eyes lowered at the thought of upsetting James anymore. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt him, to give him something else to fear. She knew that her emotions had taken over and she knew she had made a fool of herself. She had sat down to have a calm conversation to fix everything and she ended up going wild for no reason. Kendall was right... right now, they just had to stay serene and be there for James.

She sighed, "I know... I'm so sorry, I promise it won't happen again. I feel better now, getting everything out."

Carlos sniffled a bit, looking back down the hallway over his shoulder. He was really hoping that James didn't hear anything. "Hey Mamma Knight... can you cook us some dinner please? I'm really hungry now..." Carlos murmured, looking at her with his soft eyes.

Logan chuckled gently, earning some eyes, "Yeah, come on guys, James is back. Let's have a good time."

When dinner was done and everyone was getting their plates ready, Kendall took up the privilege of bringing James his food. As he took the plate in his hand and the cup of soda in the other, he knocked on the door.

"I'm coming in, James!" He called, twisting the knob.

Only to almost drop the plate and cup. His fingers went out from underneath the silver ware as he choked gently, kicking the door shut, dropping to everything on his own dresser. He rushed over to James' bed. He had walked in on James curled up, crying gently.

He jumped on the bed, pulling the ball of flesh into his arms. He leaned against the headboard, propped up as James' head laid on his chest. Almost instantly the crying turned into sobbing, the tears sinking through his shirt. He heard the gentle murmurs from the pretty boy underneath him as he hushed him.

"Shh, Jamie, what's wrong?" He whispered, pulling the body closer to him as he hushed him again, rubbing gentle circles to the toned back. He hated seeing his best friend cry. He hated seeing his savior so broken.

"I-I heard Mamma Knight... if what she says is right, then why was I hurt?" He cried out, shaking his head in Kendall's chest.

The blondes' eyes narrowed and he felt his blood suddenly start to boil. This was all caused by what he had feared the most... he sighed and reached for his phone in his pocket, comforting James softly as he texted Logan, telling him to not bother the two for the rest of the night.

After this was done, he slid down further into the bed, the two now laying together. He was going to make sure that James felt safe from harm, making sure that he knew that Kendall was here for him.

"James, everything she said _was _true. You're an amazing, wonderful person. You never deserved this... you may not believe us when we say that. But honestly you just need to wake up James!" Kendall heightened his voice slightly, "This person was cruel and did this act for no reason but in pure hate! You're a caring, gentle, loving boy who never needed this. Whoever shot you... they obviously didn't know you, they have no idea the person you are..." He whispered harshly, gritting his teeth in new founded anger. He hastily pulled James close to him, pressing a gentle, brotherly kiss on the top of his head. Feeling the sandy hair tickle at his upper lip made him tremble as tears built up in his eyes.

James whimpered beside his ear, fingers gripping at his shirt desperately. "James, you have to let these words get through your thick skull... you've just got to remember that you're stronger than anyone I know. You've taken care of us James... now it's our turn. _Let us help you," _Kendall begged, shaking his head against the fluff of hair. He ground his teeth through the squeaks that left his mouth, caused by the sobs ripping at his throat. He could feel his body start to tremble along with James', their bodies just rumbling next to each other.

* * *

_The lightening flickered outside the window, making James flinch. He hated lightening storms, he hated them so much. The stormy skies reminded him of the night that his father was taken away... the very last night he saw his daddy. For years he had always been afraid of storms, he hated them. They sent him into acts of fear and emotional rampages. He would always grip onto the sheets and pillow cases, curling up and becoming jittery and jerky. He wouldn't be able to stop gritting his teeth and he wouldn't be able to unlock his body without a harsh jerk. He wouldn't be able to stop crying until all he heard was the rain beating down on his window._

_But now, now it was different. Now he had Kendall. Whenever it stormed, Kendall would sneak in through his window. No matter the circumstances. They lived on the same road, all four of them. And no one but Kendall knew about the fear. That's why during the day, at midnight, or in the morning he would come to James and hold him until the storm was officially over. It didn't matter how far away they were or what situation they were in, Kendall always made sure to run to James right when the sign of clouds turned up. This night was no different. It was a Friday and the rain was hitting hard, the moon shining in through the window as the two huddled together. The lightening as brighter than ever, the thunder roaring furiously. _

_Kendall was still wet from the rain but James didn't care, he never did anyway. Kendall ran his fingers through his hair, shushing him gently. He was here for James, no matter what. He wasn't going to leave, because if he did, they would go together. James' finger nails dug into his shirt, his knees pressed against his abdomen as the pretty boy curled up to him. He could only be here to make sure that he didn't cry, to make sure that the blankets were tight around him. _

_Before he went home in the morning, he would make sure that James was tucked in._

* * *

"I-I believe you Kendall, all of you... I really do. I just need some sleep okay?" He whispered, nudging his forehead against Kendall's chest. The blonde sighed contently and nodded.

"Sure, buddy. But that doesn't mean I'm leaving."

"I didn't want you to..." James whispered, cuddling closer. Even if it wasn't storming, Kendall would be here to make sure that he was comfy and safe. He wanted James to remember that he was safe and sound with him here, he wouldn't let anyone hurt_ his_ Jamie.

Kendall sighed and pulled the blanket out from underneath them, letting it drape over them. For a few seconds, it floated in the air, blocking their vision. When it finally laid flat on them, Kendall reached out to the lamp beside him, but stopped. He pulled his hand back, leaving the light on. If James had woken up, he wanted him to have some light.

As the room fell quiet, Kendall's eyes fell on the food and drink laying on his dresser. He'd take care of that in the morning...

He just sighed and went calm, letting his muscles relax. He hadn't noticed how tired he was until now, feeling the soarness. He hadn't realized that his whole body was burning, aching, begging for some rest. And he was about to have it.

He took a few seconds to tighten his arms around James, pulling him as close as possible. He could smell James' shampoo for only a moment, smiling gently as the darkness took over him.

* * *

James' eyes snapped open, stirring. He held in a gasp and he pulled away, feeling that he was held against something... or someone. He looked up to see Kendall's face only centimeters away. He felt so safe... so cozy. But that didn't keep him from breathing rapidly. A noise... it had woken him up.

He gently squirmed out of Kendall's arms, listening to his mumbles of protest. James shook his head, trying to shake off the sleepiness as he looked around the room, looking over at the lamp. It was still on...

Kendall must have left it on, he resolved. He lay still, propping himself up using his elbows as he listened closely. Almost instantly he jumped, screeching as he heard the scuttling come from the corner of the room. Kendall literally jumped out of his sleep, making the mattress beneath them bounce. Kendall rubbed his eyes, looking over at the direction the cry came from. James was throwing the blanket off of him, his eyes wide with fear.

All of a sudden, Kendall was fully awake.

"K-Kendall..." James whispered, not even moving his eyes from the corner as he reached over blindly to grab at Kendall's bicep. The blonde sat up and looked out in the direction James was so scared of. He had no idea what was going on... all he knew was that James was scared and something had frightened him, enough to scream and wake Kendall up.

He reached over and laid his hand on James' shoulder, feeling the muscles tense and flinch. He quickly went to work, "James, what's wrong?" He asked, concern lacing his voice.

"S-Something's in here Kendall, someone woke me up with some noise... like metal clashing together or something, Kendall it's over there!" He squealed, pointed to the other end of the room as he scrunched up, quivering. A dark aura fell upon Kendall as he squinted his eyes, trying to see. This was starting to freak him out. The lamp was the only light in here and it didn't reach the whole room...

A thought popped up and he felt anguish fill his body. What if James' brain was playing tricks on him and he was just seeing things? Kendall learned from today that James was incredibly sensitive and he easily went off. What if just the house creaking had caught his senses, had pulled him into a trap.

He gulped, forcing his voice up his throat, "Jamie... are you sure you're not just...?"

"No Kendall, I promise!" He cried, sending Kendall to huff and give up on his own theory.

"Alright, come on, if you're so sure, let's go to the-"

The noise cut him off and he heard it, a shifting noise on the floor. The wood floor was easily scratched and made movement easy to hear, so when he heard the strange clawing sound on the floor, he was without delay believing James. He went to stand up, to bring James out of the room, when finally one of the scariest sights of his life came into vision.

The window was open and the chain on the lamp was still swinging, gently clanking against the glass body of the lamp. James had heard the intruder climbing through the window, knocking against the lamp by accident.

He was up in no time, "James, come on, get out of here _now!_" He screamed, grabbing at James' wrist. He wouldn't let anyone near that side of the room so he gently helped James over the bed, but in a hurry to get out of here. To think that they had just sat in that bed, even contemplating going back to bed. At any moment, they could have been attacked.

Swinging the door open, Kendall didn't take anytime to open the apartment door for James, leading him out. "Guys get out of the house now!" Kendall shouted, holding the door open as he heard the grumbling right away. Doors opened and two boys and two girls stepped out, sleepy eyes and groggily movements. They didn't have time for that unfortunately. So he opted on harshly grabbing Carlos and Logan together, pushing them out the door as he looked back at his and James' room for a split second. The lamp had gone off, or should he say someone turned the lamp off. He motioned for mom and Katie to hurry.

"Mom, call 911 now. I'll explain later."

The sleep was knocked out of her eyes as she pulled Katie along. Once he was sure everyone was out, Kendall shut the door behind him, leaning against it. Carlos and Logan stood together, their arms crossed as they gave him questioning looks. He didn't say anything. Instead he sat down beside James, pulling the horrified boy close, kissing his forehead, listening to the woman on the other line of the phone. As he wrapped his arms around the frail boy, only one thought could pass through his mind;

This time, it wasn't him who was climbing through the window and it surely wasn't to tuck James in.

**I am so intense... i'm so sorry for the terrible delay, I promise it won't happen again! I'm moving VERY soon and I have been packing for a while and I know I broke my every-day-record, but how about I try again!**

**Please review my loveyss! ~~**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ayee mate! How's it doing?**

**I'm so glad that you guys are getting into this and finding it interesting! I kind of feel like I'm rushing it, maybe? ): I don't knoooww, but anyway, I just want to thank you guys so much! I know I've been sucking pretty bad lately, but testing is coming VERY SOON. So yes I am studying, and I'm afraid that for one week some time I will not be updating. But I'll make up for it! (;**

**PizzaTop21 - I hope you do, you're a good writer! I love when things are ironic! I FREAKING LOVE IT WHEN YOU REVIEW IN CAPS! I believe that you may just be right (; Maybe they are here for hottie James! And by the way, I hope you feel bad for James because that's what I'm going for haha! Please fix your leg before I have amputate it, thank you! . xx**

**sasukesmyemo394 - I used to watch Naruto, I was like a complete nerd, I knew EVERYTHING. But then it got too complicated so I finished the Bleach series :3 So, on to business! Excuse my french, which I am taking in High School, but daaayyumm, you're right (; THANK YOU . xx**

**Magiccatprincess - The last line got me )': I'm so obsessed with punsss.. Hahaha, but anyway, thank you so much for that, I love when people realize my efforts in creating a bromance, I try hard haha! I freaking love that you like it! Thank you . xx**

**SashaLovesBananas - Aw, no long review )': Just kidding! Well I hope you'll never quit reading my story! (: And I, will be that mysterious person in the background laughing evily. And "Cone?" Haha, I think you meant "Come." But no really, lets do this. THANK YOUUU . xx**

**AlyssaMaslow - Have I ever told you that I loved your username? (; I love making you feel anxiety, it makes my life... awkward. I hope you have it right because that would be so cool :') I LOVE THAT SONG. Because The Hunger Games is my life. Everyone loves irony! Thank you . xx**

**sk8r-grl - Thank youuu . xx**

**pekopekopenguin - Aww whatta sweetie? Thank you soooooooo mucchhhh. (heart) because Fanfiction banned my favorite sign. And I hope you're not, because I'd like for people to like my story! THANK YOU . xx**

**CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE. CHALLENGE.**

**Now that I've got your attention, I have a challenge for you guys! I want to know exactly ALL who is reading this. For just this one chapter, I would like you to please post a review, long or short, either one. Because I've noticed that there a lot of hits but not too many reviewers. Don't get me wrong, the people that are reviewing are AMAZINGLYFOXYHOT and I'm oh so much grateful for you guys to at least be reading this, but please just for this once if you're reading this right now, please review. And I do know this, I get on Fanfiction more than HALF of the time on my phone and I review all the time. So please, I'm begging you that for James' sake, REVIEW IF YOU BE READIN' THIS. Now, done with the trailer park talk, I'd really love you guys so much more :')**

******I did not edit this chapter because I am short on time, so please don't freak out. Every other chapter is perfect in grammar, so please let me off on this one, thank you!**

**And now... ONWARD WITH THE STOREH.**

* * *

He had done it. It was all his fault. James couldn't stop thinking this as he kept shaking, whimpering. He felt so naked... so alone. No matter how much he buried his face, his identity into Kendall's shoulder he still felt like the while world was watching him intensely. He never understood it until now, it was just coming into his portrait of life. He should have realized that the attacker would be after him and therefore would endanger his friends. He couldn't let that happen but yet, here they were out in the hallway, a complete mess.

Everyone was in their pajamas, the sleep still not completely ridden from their dazed eyes. While Carlos and Logan talked to the police men, Carlos shrugged when he didn't know an answer as he rubbed at his arms, the cold night air nipping at his skin. Logan as just as confused as he was. It had been them who had just woken up from the yelling and were roughly dragged out, they had no idea what to say. But just by the looks of James' teary eyes and Kendall's protective face, they knew that the true victims wouldn't be able to explain anything. Then there was Katie and mom, talking to the guests who had walked out of their rooms.

That was one more thing that James hated at the moment.

Through all of the commotion and whatnot, the guests on the same floor as them had either peeked out of their room or had stepped out. It made James want to be invisible, not being stared down by their unwelcoming eyes or their sympathetic orbs. He disliked people having pity on him, it made him sick. He didn't like people to see him as weak. But right at the moment, being strong wasn't an option.

James quickly found out that with hallucinations and pain, came anxiety. Terrible jitteriness came upon him when people looked at him. Horrible jumpiness came upon him when someone touched or even brushed past him. Then came the claustrophobia. Whenever there were many people around him, crowding or not, he felt like they were staring at him and laughing, cruelly making fun of him. He tried to remind himself that they weren't, that no one was actually bothering him, but when the anxiety became too much his hallucinations kicked in. He would suddenly feel hot and sweaty, crowded beyond belief. Once in the hospital he started to feel like insects of all kinds were inside of his skin and he saw spiders just sprouting out of the walls. It took a room full of doctors to get him back to reality.

At this moment, James Diamond was on a tightrope. He was wobbling as the only thing keeping him sane was Kendall who had his arms wrapped around him, the fingers running through his brunette locks. If he didn't have Kendall right now... hell would break loose. But being with Kendall didn't make him better, it just kept him from going over the edge. If he let go of his friend now, the stares of the guests would intensify, the spiders and snakes would crawl up his legs before gnawing at him as he screamed bloody murder. And that's why he held onto his friend for dear life. The looks from the people wouldn't go away, the voices were booming in his head, and every time he heard the footsteps of someone nearby, it sounded like they were sprinting, bounding towards him. He was so afraid, so afraid that he was going to lose sight of reality.

Then he heard Kendall's voice, it was different than anyone else's. It was soft and sweet, soothing as it echoed through his ears. It coaxed him to actually open his eyes and look up to the lips as they moved slowly in his vision. He wasn't afraid whenever he saw Kendall's face.

"Logan, can you grab me a blanket please?" Kendall whispered, his voice hushed as he looked down at James, finding him to be staring at his lips. He lifted them gently in a smile, the only place where James was able to look without flinching. "There's one in the living area," Kendall murmured. That's right, Kendall knew James' little secret. He knew because every time he looked away, he turned to see James staring at him. Whenever James started to hyperventilate or even felt the slight bit of discourage, those hazel eyes laid on his face.

Thinking it over the past moments, Kendall had decided that he couldn't do this to James. The two of them still sat with their backs against the wall, James' arms scrunched up against himself as Kendall held him close, calming him with every touch. But once Mrs. Knight had finished her call and the cops had arrived, the guests were instantly stepping out, asking what had happened. Earlier he heard downstairs that unlike right now, the lobby was full of people asking questions. But after a while Bitters just sent them back to their rooms, assuring them everything was alright. It was for them, but not for James and Kendall knew that.

He couldn't just sit here and let his best friend quiver under the stares. Hating the shaking against his own body, he took the blanket from Logan, just shaking his head at the questioning eyes. When Logan nodded slowly and went back to Carlos' side, Kendall took a deep breath.

"Come on, buddy. Follow me," He whispered, standing up slowly. He led James with him, instantly feeling the shaking of his friend. James was literally about to fall to the ground as his knees locked, trying hard not to buckle. He shut his eyes, taking deep breaths as James' gasps filled his ears.

_He couldn't do this._

The shaking, it felt like James was bare in the snow, just coming out of an ice cold river. He wanted to just snap his fingers and hope that James would be better, that tonight never happened, that no one ever attacked James. He wished that he could wish upon a lucky star that James was never shot, that he didn't have anxiety attacks, that he didn't feel any pain... but not all fairy tales come true.

He was tempted to lean down and pick James up bridal style, but he knew that James would dislike it very much and somehow it would get caught on the news. There were always those times when they were caught in times of such privacy, that it amazed them. He wouldn't be shocked if James' anxiety problems at this moment would get front page, headlines. He sighed and pulled James close, wrapping his arms around every inch of him as he placed the blanket against him and James. When he began walking, he could feel a hand reach up for the fabric, using it as a lead.

Right when they started walking, he could feel all of the eyes on them. Why couldn't they just have some kind of privacy? Kendall always just wanted to scream, to tell people that it was their faults why plenty of celebrities crashed and burned these days. But as Gustavo always says, that would look bad on them.

Reaching the elevator, Kendall hushed the other as they stepped into the lift. He couldn't believe how quiet, yet noisy his friend was. His gentle whimpers were loud in his ears, just begging him to do to something. He would as soon as they reached their destination.

Immediately when the doors opened, Kendall pulled the distraught boy out with him. Coming out into lobby, he realized how dark and lonely it was. The pool at these hours were closed and the only person in the room was Bitters who wasn't even awake by now. Instead he slept in his chair behind the desk. To this, Kendall smiled, because it was exactly what he needed. He had learnt that quietness and peace was what brought James back to his normal self.

He walked over to the end wall of the lobby. Honestly, he would love to sleep on one of the couches, but there were two problems with that. Bitters would fuss at him for sleeping in the couch in the morning, and he didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea of him and James, curled up on a couch together. So he opted on propping against the wall because at this point, he was sure neither of them cared much. As he eased James down, much like a pregnant one, he let go of the shaky hand only for a few moments to sit back down. As he felt James hug himself, unknowing what to do with his hands, Kendall smiled. He whipped the blanket, as if he were whipping the dirt out of a rug, and laid it on top of them.

Then he went towards James with a comforting grin, taking a daring move. He didn't know if it might freak James out in his state, or if it would make him feel even more safe, but he had to try. He carefully wrapped his arm around James' waist, linking his fingers together over the bellybutton of the brunette. As his fingers interlocked each other, James reached up to hold onto the blonde's hands against his stomach. He leaned his head on his shoulder, breathing slowly.

Then the world went still. The room was so quiet, it seemed as if time had stopped. They didn't move, didn't speak as they just closed their eyes, enjoying such a serene moment. James even let the corner of his lips lift a little, curling the tiniest. These were the times when James never felt stressed. When he was with a loved one, the atmosphere was placid.

It didn't take long for James' jumpiness to return as his thoughts crawled back into mind. They were like disgusting, monsters and rodents as his worries just came right back after leaving him be. He had to speak.

His voice was shaky, unsure of itself, "I'm so sorry Kendall, this was all of my fault."

The blonde's eyes opened slowly as he furrowed his eyebrows. He curled his fingers, feeling them grab at James' shirt. The striped shirt crumbled lightly into his grip, wrinkling as his finger nails scraped against the color. "If I wasn't in there with you guys, the intruder never would have even gotten involved with you guys. It's my fault it happened. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have to be worried about this guy..."

"And if it weren't for you, we would have been in much more trouble than you think. What happened when he climbed through the window? You woke up and told me about it, while I just slept like dead weight. Don't you dare blame this on yourself," Kendall mumbled, realizing the hold of fabric in his hands as he let go, loosely keeping his arms around the thin but muscled waist.

He heard the struggled sigh beside him and he just got comfortable, looking up at the ceiling. He wondered what was going on above them... had they found someone or was the intruder already gone? Had they all gone back to bed, not even bothering where they were?

As the problems started to lace around his mind, he shook his head, squinting his eyes. He needed a clear mind right now, not a jumbled mess. He needed to watch over James and... the soft noises of snores caught him off. Kendall looked down at the head on his shoulder before smiling. Maybe he didn't need to take care of James, maybe the brunette was stronger than he thought. With the band member asleep and safe in his own world, Kendall took that as his key to get some rest. He would keep his grip on James tight in case something happened. Sure he was a heavy sleepy when it came to noises, but movement caught his conscience any day or night.

Kendall let himself drift off, letting the darkness take control, listening to the sweet snores from his loved one...

* * *

Kendall jumped out of his sleep, gasping gently. Almost instantly he shut his eyes, groaning at the light that pierced through the dream filled darkness. He hated coming out his dark sleep to a bright sun. Shaking his head, he looked up at the shaking motion to his shoulder. He squinted his eyes through the foggy orbs of brown as a beautiful girl came into view.

Camille.

She looked over him worriedly, "Kendall, James?"

James...? Kendall stopped himself from letting out another gasp, instead he choked on his air supply as the memories came rushing back. Too much, it caused the headache to hit full blast. Moaning, Kendall looked over to his shoulder. He smiled gently when he felt the brunette locks brush against his chin. That head was still limp against his shoulder, his arms still around the waist as the fingers linked together.

James' fingers held onto his in a faint fire of desperation.

He must have had a nice night though because the brunette seemed so much more fresh, less pale and more healthy. He even sported a small smile as he kept sleeping, dreamily letting out his soft breaths. Kendall looked back up, "Hey, Camille... uh, what's up?"

She cocked an eyebrow, "I should be asking the same to you. Why are you two sleeping in the lobby?"

He shrugged, thinking this over. He didn't know if he should tell the truth or hide it. Maybe for James' sake, he would just keep it low. He knew that at some point everyone would know, but not at this moment, James wasn't ready. The perky actress would end up telling everyone. "Oh, we were just having some problems in our room, no worries. We should probably go ahead and get up, if you will..." He hinted, looking down at James.

She easily got it but stopped in mid turn, "Wait, do you guys have any idea of what happened last night? For some reason Mr. Bitters says that it's not aloud to be let out, but it was on your floor, do you know?" She asked innocently, cocking her head.

Kendall froze, about to un-link his fingers, looking up. "Look, Camille, I'll tell you everything later okay? Just let me get James back to 2J and soon or later, I'll explain, it's more complicated than you would believe."

With a sigh, she smiled sympathetically. "Sure Kendall, I'll see you later." And with that, she was gone. Kendall let out a huff with exasperation as he tightened his arms around James' waist, losing trace of all reality as he fell into his thoughts. Looking around as he bumped his head against the wall, he noticed all of the people walking around, smiling and chatting. They were so lucky to be so happy. No one deserved what they were going through, but why, why did it have to be them, what did they do? It baffled Kendall at how unlucky they were.

With full regret, the blonde un-linked his fingers, shaking James' shoulders gently. "Hey, buddy, come on. Wake up," He whispered, tugging at the brunette gently. He didn't want to wake the sleeping beauty, it was so hard to bring him back to life, but he had to. He knew that once James was awake, he would be out of his beautiful dreams and come back to a nightmare in real life. And of course, Kendall just wished that he could only kiss and hug those fears away, but he couldn't. James was a big boy and he had to get through this. Of course, everyone had a bark worse than their bite as those hazel eyes opened and Kendall's hand went flying into the ruffled hair to smooth it back with comfort. He was so weak when it came to his best friend.

The taller male groaned, stretching his core body as he twisted over a bit, looking up at Kendall. His eyes were drowsy, squinted in an attempt to meet eyes with Kendall with a confused look. He was obviously dazed when he looked around him, ignoring the hand on his head as he noticed that he was in the lobby. People who passed met eyes with him, quickly looking away. The brunette suddenly shook his head, waking up. But when he tried to sit up properly, he felt the crick in his neck instantly. Reaching back to rub it, he winced at Kendall. "And we are in the lobby, why?" He mumbled, motioning to the room.

Kendall frowned. He was so tired that his emotions hadn't hit yet, neither had the memories. "James, remember, some one broke in last night," He whispered, shifting his feet, the blanket falling further down his leg. He reached out to rest a hand on the other's shoulder in support. He always hated breaking bad news to his best friends, he never enjoyed it. Always searching their eyes for the tears, searching their faces for a heart break. It was always the same, a let down. Because most of the time, he was just standing their awkwardly. Until they got closer and he found out his true friends, that was when he would tackle them and do anything he could even if it ended in cuddling or wrestling, whatever it took. With James, it was butterfly kisses on the face and holding him, rocking him back and forth.

As he stared into James' eyes, those hazy, dull colors suddenly became clearer. But darker. His eyebrows furrowed and the familiar shaking came back into place, his finger twitching.

Kendall sighed... here it comes.

* * *

**AAHHH. I'm so sorry that it was so late and it is so short, I'M SO SORRY D': I promise the next will be better. But don't you guys just love cliffhangers? Because I do! (: Okay, so I did not edit this chapter because I am short on time, so please don't freak out. Every other chapter is perfect in grammar, so please let me off on this one, thank you! PLEASE REVIEW, THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE ABOVE THE STORY! See you later lovies!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Guuuuyyyyys! Hey C: **

**I just wanted to stop and say this; the past weekend I had a fall out and felt like I couldn't do it, that I couldn't update this story. But then I reread the reviews and chapters, OVER AND OVER. I started crying. I knew I had to do it. So remember this, you guys are my inspiration for writing this story. If it weren't for you guys loving my story and appreciating it, giving me more confidence, I wouldn't be able to stand tall. Thank you. Thank you so much.**

**On to the thank yous for such lovely people;**

**chocolate-columbo - It's okay dearr, I appreciate anytime you review! Don't feel guilty, it was in general, not to a specific person -heart- Thank you so much! . xx**

**pekopekopenguin - I'm happy with your commitment, but don't feel like you have to! Thank you, I was considering turning it into something much more but I haven't decided on that. I think later on I'll have a contest on it... but anyway, I love you too! I will :3 THANK YOU . xx**

**Magiccatprincess - Thank you! . xx**

**PizzaTop21 - It's okay (: Haha, everyone's mean to James on Fanfiction, seriously haha. It's kind of weird. AND you're review was AMAZING and I can't wait for the next one . xx**

**annabellex2 - Thank you! . xx**

**sk8r-grl - I thank you ma'am, and I hope you review soon! . xx**

**Pinkranger888 - Thank you so much! . xx**

**SashaLovesBananas - The only thing I don't like about your long reviews are replying to them hehehe. Don't worry, I'll get you in there somehow. Oh. My. God, you're such a genius babe (; My boyfriend would die if he saw this but; YOU MADE MY OVARIES EXPLODE. It's okay, I didn't need them. If anything, One Direction already killed them.**

**AlyssaMaslow - It's okay dear, I understand! Thanks so much for reviewing and supporting the story! Keep up the great work! . xx**

**Love and Heartz - They are only staying a bromance because then at that moment, I could lose reviewers. But thank you so much for all of the reviews and I hope you review again, thank you! . xx**

**So, now on to the story, I hope you enjoy it and I just want you to know that the plot is finally unraveling, I just don't want to rush it. I hope you understand, so please enjoy and try to review!**

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**_JAMES POV_**

**_(This is somewhat in poem form, so there is no dialogue in his POV and is deliberately complicated and full of literature tools.)_**

I couldn't stop the sudden shaking that was brought upon my body. My emotions, they were strained terrible. I could just feel the walls breaking, the pain and realization starting to flood over the gates of sanity. It hated it, I hated knowing that I was so close to breaking. I knew that any minute now, as I pulled my knees close to my chest, I would fall back another level. I had woken up fresh and happy, but however confused. I knew, I just knew that there was something wrong. The look in Kendall's eyes, the cloudiness in my heart. I just felt the foggy pain in my mind, the strain in my neck and arm. It only took Kendall's frown to bring it all back to my mind. But I didn't want him to remind me. I wanted to stay happy, I wanted the sunshine not the darkness. I couldn't do anything now but open and close my mouth stupidly, my whole frame shaking.

I was quivering, feeling like I was laying naked on the floor. The tears were too dry, they burned my eyes. I didn't even notice the hand that laid on my shoulder as I started rocking back and forth, unable to hear anything. I knew that Kendall was speaking, I saw his lips moving but I didn't hear his voice. It was what I was needing though, I was needing his reassurance. Anyone's help, I needed it now. I felt like I was just going in circles becoming dizzy when everything was silent, only able to hear my heart beat.

It was maddening.

The noises of the world came rushing back when my breath hitched, closing my eyes. I had no more tears to cry, I could only just accept the hug from Kendall as I just shook my head. I wanted to cry, _I wanted to scream._

Nothing came out. My emotions were too much, my pain was too heavy. It was suffocating me, it was making me just want to drop dead, to give up on everything. I didn't want to have to feel the burning sensation in my eyes anymore, I didn't want my brain to be slow, I didn't want my neck and arm to hurt. I didn't want to have to be reminded that I was being watched, tracked. Someone was out there looking for me and I wanted them to get the news that I was no one anymore, that I was dead. So that one day, they would just leave me alone. Dead or alive, I wanted them to just leave me alone.

What did I ever do?

There were the tears. I was finally able to produce the warm liquid as the world became a blur, feeling the exaggeration of wind against my body. I was being lifted, my senses increasing dramatically. I could hear the breath of Kendall's ghosting past my neck as he pulled my limp figure forward. I looked around but it felt like everything was in slow motion. Was I in shock? Was I finally losing all sanity, letting go?

Because if I was, the bliss of having no control was heavenly.

_**Normal POV**_

Kendall could only stare down at James, noticing the distant look in his eyes. He didn't really understand. One minute he was smiling a goofy smile, the next he was a nervous wreck. Kendall could only guess what it felt like to have no care in the world, and then be reminded that an important artery was shot and now you're being followed and targeted by a psycho. Yeah, it didn't sound too fun. However James didn't seem like he had any control at all. His eyes were blurry and half-lidded as he looked around confused.

Kendall needed to get him up to 2J quickly so Logan could check him out. He was sure that this wasn't good. For the boy to not even be able to speak, that was something alone, maybe just shock. But if his movements are slurred, that is a different story. The looks of him stumbling and gasping wasn't good and Kendall may not be a doctor, but he knew that it was unhealthy for his breathing to be that quick. He was so afraid; afraid that suddenly James would stop breathing and drop to the ground with a sickening thud. He could only pray that would not happen.

Reaching the room could only be explained with one word; disastrous. James was a ticking time bomb and with every step and movement, the breathing became more rapid and unusual. The stumbling became worse once he reached the lift and by then he was practically carrying the boy.

He was thankful to find 2J rid of police officers and detectives and it was calm. But as always, it was never that easy. Kendall cautiously twisted the door knob, twisting it gently. He felt the suspense and the over all climbing of fear, knowing that one move could bring James crashing down. He didn't fully know exactly how much he had recovered either. This was what kept Kendall on his tip toes.

He didn't know if suddenly James' neck or arm would fail, go limp or suddenly have a seizure on its own.

He didn't know if James' brain had regained full control. The hallucinations and the anxiety were still there, no doubt. The doctor told them that these were the after effects for the recovery. It was worse before, but it still lingered like fog in his brain cells. The tension always pushing the pretty boy's mind, pushing all of his thoughts to the side to point out the fears and monstrosity of what was left after the damage. But what Kendall didn't know yet was if James was left with any brain damage, maybe the chance of swelling or just completely failing. Honestly Kendall didn't even know if his vision and speech had recovered perfectly. Sometimes he would wake up to James hopelessly mumbling things, his mouth moving and his tongue flicking but nothing but nonsense spilling out.

He feared that one day he would make the wrong move and James would jump over board on life, giving up on everything.

He was just about to realize how fragile James just was. The wind forced back on them from the door's swing was refreshing, bringing the smell of 2J to his face like a brick. It hit hard and it gave him shutters. He had began to call this place home. But the brunette had the exact opposite reaction. Taking a step into the room was like dancing with the devil for the boy, because one touch, and his knees failed him.

His lungs closed up and he couldn't blink, his eye lids so shocked and crusted in place that he couldn't flinch. A wink of an eye and he would be screaming, the pain too much. It wasn't like this normally. It was his careful senses. They were now so sensitive that he couldn't breathe without some nerve straining and pulling at his heart, like a string tugging at him hard. He could only hear Kendall gasp before his ears went ringing once again. He gripped at his chest, scratching and hoarsely letting out pants of fear. Why couldn't he breathe? Why did it hurt so much?

James could faintly hear his friend's names being called, but it sounded like they were in the distance. From his spot on the floor, he saw two pairs of shoes rushing for him. That was when his anxiety kicked in. The noises around him blasted at his ears, an exact change to the deafness he momentarily heard. He reached up to cover his ears, hearing his heart beat pounding in his chest. The smell of this apartment, it brought back the memories. His vision started to warp, lights and dots of blackness appearing in his vision. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, he couldn't scream. There was nothing to do but to finally drop like dead weight, all the way to the floor, clashing with it painfully. When he looked up with the last bit of reality he had, he no longer saw Logan, Kendall, or Carlos.

This was much scarier.

Logan gripped at James' shoulders, bringing him back up to look at him. But the boy shook his head rapidly, his grip on his own ears tightening. The darkness in his eyes was drastic, making Logan want to brush away all of the suffering his friend felt. He had never had this happen to him before, but for once, he had no idea what to do. The only thing that stuck in his mind was to calm James down. Because the boy was having a panic attack and if it got any worse, a heart attack could be on the way shortly.

He sighed, looking over to his friends, "Carlos, Kendall, this is not the time to cry or panic. We all need to calm down and understand James' situation from his eyes. He is afraid and isn't in his right mind at the moment. If we can show him that we can be calm and nothing is happening, then he can to. In this state of mind, he will react off of his surroundings."

As Kendall and Carlos nodded, taking breaths, Logan leaned in close. He whispered as gently as he could, "James, it's me Logan. I'm one of your best friends, do you remember me?"

Relief washed over him as the distressed boy nodded with difficulty. The stress on his neck was doubling at his tenseness. Logan had a doubt in his mind that maybe the blood in his neck was being affected by this, which calculated to the blood and oxygen being supplied to his brain.

Logan jumped, making the other boys flinch at his startled movement. Realization hit quickly and Logan's eyes brightened up at the thought, rushing to hold James up, tilting his chin back to look him in the eyes. He knew exactly what was happening now. No oxygen to the brain, meant hallucinations.

"Okay, I want you to listen very carefully to me. I want you to take deep breaths. In and out. In and out," He instructed, holding his hand on the other's chest. He felt the reluctance to his touch, flinching away as his hands left his ears to grab onto Logan's wrist. The smart boy obliged to the touch and softened his hold on the muscular chest, sighing gently. James had acted as if a cigarette was smeared into his skin. His conclusion was right. "Understand this, James. No one is going to hurt you. All of your best friend are right here, by your side. Me, Kendall, Carlos; we're all here. You're safe, very safe. Trust us and listen to our voices," Logan continued in a whisper. As James tried to control his breathing, the smart singer looked up to the other two. His breathing was brought back to life, a slow and normal pace. It took the hushed whisper and Logan's fingers rubbing his chest to bring it onward. But it worked. Now all Logan had to do was to get him to believe that everything he was seeing, was not true. Easier said than done.

"I believe that the reaction he is having is his hallucinations kicking in. The stress from last night hitting so hard has created him to remember the events and to twist them inside his mind. I wouldn't doubt it if he is seeing us as total different people, trying to hurt him. That's why we may have to rely on our voices to get him out of this," He explained to the band mates. Kendall and Carlos took in the advice. James' breathing was now much more controlled as he quivered in Logan's hold.

The future doctor leaned in closer, cautiously pulling James into his own chest. He had to bring James back to verisimilitude. To do this, it would take all of comforting and demanding to get James back to his old self. Then again, was he ever really commonsensical?

The boy reacted with terrible jitteriness, shaking uncontrollably in the tough arms. Logan tightened his hold, actually tempted to check to make sure the boy wasn't having a seizure. But he decided to trust his own wits and leaned in closer, whispering in James' ear ever-so-softly.

"James, it's me Logan. There's no one else here anymore. Focus on my voice. Ignore everything else, just close your eyes and listen to me." Logan's breath ghosted against his ear, sending shivers up his spine. His hairs stood on end as he hesitantly shut his eyes, constantly shivering without end. He wanted to stop and believe everyone, he just wanted to trust them. But what he saw, wasn't what he was hearing. It scared him beyond belief that he was even considering listening to a criminal, leaving himself open with no alarm to help him. For some reason though, his brain told him to listen to the voice that sounded so soft against the screaming and screeching that passed through his ears to damage his ear drums. Through all of the jumbled mess that his thoughts were, this voice stuck out of the crowd of consternation. It sounded holy, his instincts screaming for him to follow the light that intruded his world of confusion and darkness.

The voice played over and over in his mind, until finally the strange noises infiltrating his world started to break apart. Everything was back to normal to his ears, but what about to his eyes? As he listened, all he heard was the soft breathing against his ear and the leveled, heavy breathing by his side. He had forgotten once his hallucinations took over that there were two others in the room.

His mind told him to open his eyes, to beam upon what was true or not. But his eyelids said no and became led, making it completely difficult to lift them. Whatever he saw once he let the world fall on his pupils, was the real deal. It was true, one-hundred percent. However his nerves just couldn't allow him to bring upon the truth, he was too afraid. James knew it was the conclusion because when he tried to open his eyes and the smallest string of light played upon his eyes, he quickly shut them, fear clouding over his decision.

"Open you're eyes, Jay."

It was another voice and this one was different. His voice was brighter than Logan's, it was gentle but demanding. He wasn't being asked to, he was being told to. There was something in those words that told him that Kendall was telling him to trust him and James just couldn't disobey him.

With much mustered courage and inner strength, James forced his eyes open.

The light was blinding.

What his eyes once saw was now completely different. His surroundings weren't shadows and flashing lights, it was the warm colors of his own living area. Now the criminals were his best friends.

Everything dawned on him. He was having hallucinations, he let them get the best of him. It took him only one incident and he broke to pieces and his friends had to pick them up for him. How was he going to do this?

James was so weak, he was falling down to the smallest microscopic. He wasn't able to handle one bad news anymore, unable to keep himself in a whole. With just one scent and one memory, he wasn't himself anymore. He couldn't live like this. The James Diamond he remembered himself as just wasn't there anymore. His attacker had changed him completely and now with one wrong move, he ended up back to step one. Completely falling apart, that's what he was doing.

Catching sight of his friends, he couldn't believe that he was doing this to them. They were flustered, their eyes wide with fear and panic. Just the looks of their disheveled and scruffy appearance he knew he had given them a fright. He had only slightly heard it earlier between his insane soundings and his lying sightings, Logan was telling the boys to calm down for his sake. Only it wasn't Logan that he heard, it was a morphed voice that didn't belong to the smart one.

There it was again, _for him._ They were only thinking about him, while at the same time they were ruining themselves. While they were trying to take care of James and making sure everything went well for him, they were neglecting themselves. From watching every decision they made, to throwing away their own feelings and errands for him; they were completely forgetting about their needs and wants.

He didn't want to be the one who corrupted them.

Logan pulled him up and closer, to him, making sure to make him feel safe. He didn't want James breaking again, forgetting that his friends were the ones comforting him at the moment. At any moment, his delusions could attack again.

The boys around them let out a relieved sigh, everyone's heart paces going back to normal. But now wasn't the time to get off guard and relax. There was something more to this situation, something much more serious and it would be very complicated. This was going to be a very sensitive subject.

But it was obvious that they were now being targeted.

Logan looked over at Kendall and Carlos, giving a shaky nod as he sighed, bundling James closer into his arms as he slumped over, exhaustion kicking in. He looked up at Carlos and raised an eyebrow, motioning towards James.

"Oh..." The latino started, leaning down to gently pick his friend up bridal style. He grunted a bit, stepping forward. James wasn't helping at all as he was in his own world at the moment, not aware of much of his surroundings. It seemed to Carlos that he was thinking of something, the subject softening his eyes. As he gently laid James down on his bed after a long and heavy walk to the bedroom, the brunette was able to cuddle into his blankets.

Carlos flexed his fingers as he shifted from one foot to another, frowning at how quickly James had fallen asleep. It didn't take him but a glance to the side for the young boy to let his debilitation to take over. He was sound asleep. Even after a little bit of rest last night, and some this morning, James was still in the mood for some sleep.

The latino took a shuddering breath before taking one last look at his fallen friend's tight grip on the blankets, before turning and swiftly shutting the door. Walking back into the living area, he rolled his head back. He hadn't noticed how stressed and tight his neck was.

Kendall and Logan were together sitting in the kitchen, the blonde sipping on a juice box in deep thought. Logan sent a fatigued smile to his friend, taking a couple steps towards Carlos, pulling him close in an embrace.

"Don't worry, we'll get through this."

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**I'm so sorry it's so short, and the wait was long, but I promise you it was for a good reason. I won't tell you way, but just know that I had a very accurate reason for not updating so quickly. But the next update will be here soon I assure you, because you knooowww, summer's a week away baby. (;**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, so I have no excuse for not updating.**

**I'm not going to lie and give some excuse, because you guys are too awesome. I just had some REALLY bad writer's block and couldn't even type for more than ten minutes without getting side tracked...**

**So I hope you can forgive me and just try and enjoy this fanfiction that is written by such a terrible author...**

**chocolate-colombo , PizzaTop21 , BookWorkKendall , Sing Me To Slumber , Anonymously Truthful , sk8r-grl , AlyssaMaslow , ZaynMalik-CarlosPenaLuver , Guest , DAForever62442 ; Thank you so very much for the support, I read every review and I am very grateful for them! (:**

**I own nothing of Big Time Rush!  
**

**Now please enjoy this very late chapter, and don't forget to review!**

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**James POV**

He's disgusting. Just look at him...

Who would even want such a creature like him. A worthless, broken, dead _thing. _He isn't worth someone's time, someone's love. It's a waste of time to even care for him. When I look at him, I wonder how he's still alive, how he hasn't given up._  
_

Is he strong?

Is he forcing himself not to cut, not to pull the trigger?

I can see it in his eyes, the way they avert and swing around the room in fear and anxiety. He doesn't want to live a life of fear, a life of not wanting to even look at himself. There's a gun pressed up against his throat, laying on his tongue and choking him enough to remind him that he has a decision; he can pull the trigger whenever. It's his choice if he wants to live another day.

I can see all of this just by looking into his eyes, staring at his tense figure and his limp arms. His eyelashes just barely brush against his cheek bones, his eyelids so flat and dark. He hasn't gotten a good night's sleep in so long.

Naps. That's all he has, and they are interrupted by nightmares.

But who am I to say this? Because I don't even know him.

I don't know his real personality. I don't know his true dreams, his true wants. I don't know his authentic smile. I don't know his accurate love interest, or his genuine laugh.

I don't know who this man is or what he wants. If he wants to live, or die. If he wants to find love, or lay in bed all day. I don't know if he wants to rise up to the light of success, or lay underneath the rubble and withstand the darkness.

The footsteps were in hearing range now. I can hear greatly, the way the toes curl into the cold floor as they make their way to my room. I can even tell that they are being suppressed, trying to make as little noise as possible.

I blink slowly before backing away, taking one last look at the broken man before me, his blood shot eyes raw in my vision. I don't want to look at the repulsive being anymore.

I walked backwards towards my bed, stumbling once as I shuffled backwards. My arms are still limp by my side, sagging and lightly gripping at the hem of my shirt. The doorknob is twisting.

Lowering myself to my bed, I close my eyes. I'm still stiff, still not wanting to close my eyes. Because every time I close them, I see a gun pointed towards my face, a finger jutting out to pull the trigger. And it's not my hand.

They think I'm asleep. So I go limp, cowering in my own darkness. But the whole time I was staring in the mirror.

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**Normal POV**

Logan slowly made his way to the room that James was resting in, making sure that his footsteps were light. The floor was strangely cold at the moment, propping up the idea of such a cruel night. The last thing that he wanted was to wake up his distraught friend. After the scene that was just caused, Logan was scared to even make a loud noise; a cough, even.

At the moment the other two boys were in the living room, speaking quietly to each other and even discussing on what to do. They were all completely confused to tell the truth. Nothing was explainable at this point, it was all almost above their heads. They couldn't think of a way to fix it considering that they were still in utter shock. It took a lot to regain the stable position they once had, now full of startled nerves.

Logan was amazed that he could even bring himself to walk through that door. All he wanted to do was check on James, to make sure that he was doing okay, but he wasn't sure if he'd have a break down as well. It was rather easy at this point. All it took was letting it out when looking at James and Logan could be on the floor all on his own doing. It was like when their eyes met, then his legs just couldn't hold his weight any longer. Maybe even his ankles would snap underneath his pressure. But he had to stay strong, because he could already tell he was the brains in this problem.

He always was... and he never accepted that until James came along.

And that's why he'd use that as an advantage to help out James, the boy who helped him use his intelligence without regret or humility.

As Logan slowly reached for the doorknob, he twisted it with anticipation. His fingers were so unstable, so shaky that he could just feel the pads of his fingers slipping off of the brass. But over the sweat building over his forehead, he could hear the faint noise of the padding of feet. It was quick but with a frigid movement, so unsure and sloppy. Then he froze, his arm going numb. The bed squeaked ever so slightly, signaling an amount of weight pushing on the springs. Logan could easily configure what was going on and James wasn't going to fool him. Small details always contributed.

He pushed the door open, feeling the wind brush against his face before whirling and disappearing. The room felt warm, with the heat on and James making sure the room turned into his own sauna. All the doors were closed and the windows sealed off. Even the closet door had a towel stuffed underneath, keeping the air from flowing. The crack was hopeless of circulating any air. This only proved that James was never asleep, what sleeping man could have done this with the small amount of time he was alone?

"Hey buddy, how're you doing?" Logan whispered, shutting the door behind him with a slow and antagonizing ease. He hadn't noticed until then, and attempted to hold back his expression, but when his eyes laid on James he scrunched his nose and frowned. James was straight as a board, his legs pressed together and his arms against his sides. He was staring up at the ceiling, emotionless. He didn't even turn to Logan. Instead, he blinked.

He easily reminded Logan of a study he once did on Exorcism. The only thing James was missing was the crooked and entirely impossible bending bones, or the white and dead eyes, or even the possessed voice. Thinking back to the pictures and videos he had fell upon, the shivers he felt made him squirm in his standing position. But he shook his head, because there was no need to be afraid. James wasn't possessed, he was traumatized.

The intellectual boy cleared his throat, gradually sitting down, "You gonna talk?"

Those exhausted eyes turned his way. It was so tense so quiet, until the sigh that escaped James' mouth broke the air. He sat up slowly, his fingers scrunching at the sheets. Logan subconsciously let out a breath, smiling towards James' much better posture. "Sorry, Logie. Just feeling a little tired, you know?" he whispered, fiddling with his thumbs.

Logan's eyes flickered from James' face to his thumbs. They brushed together, circling over the other in sudden quickened paces. He was so tempted to just reach down and pull them apart, to grab his hands and halt the movements. But instead he took a deep, shuddering breath. It was hard to believe that his best friend had changed so much. It wasn't like the amount was too much to consume, no, more on the lines of he didn't _want _to accept it. He didn't want to look at James and tell himself: _he's messed up. _Because that would send him spiraling into his own depression, unable to handle the news. That's why he kept up a smile and kept reassuring the boys that James was fine. The lies leaving his mouth were keeping him at peace.

"Don't worry about it, just checking on you... you need anything?" he asked slowly, gulping with anticipation. He was hoping that James would ask for something, or even just talk to him. Anything but smile and stare at him like that.

His head slowly shook, "No, I'm fine."

Logan bit his bottom lip, feeling his chest constrict. Fine? He's fine? He just had a panic attack only minutes ago. He's completely lying to Logan without even blinking nervously! This wasn't the James he knew... James could never lie to him, or the others for that matter! Logan swallowed roughly, realizing that he was holding his breath. There was so much he needed to say. He wanted to tell James to tell the truth, to stop speaking lies. That he wasn't fine and he needed to accept it, to fix it. For James, fine meant a whole different thing. It was just a word to cover up his pain. But who was he to patronize James for lying, when every day he lied to himself and the other boys? Who was he to tell James to face the truth, when he couldn't?

In his mind words of anger and frustration, depression and fear were spiraling furiously, making him dizzy. But all that passed out of his lips was a dry, painful breath and meaningless words, "Alright. Get some rest, I'll wake you for lunch."

James went to speak, but Logan was already standing up. Headed for the door, his hand ran over his face before burying itself into his hair. With his fingers tangled in his dark locks of hair, he shakily grabbed the doorknob and stumbled out the door.

He instantly pressed his back against the door, leaving James confused in the room. He buried his head in his hands, groaning. He wanted to pull his hair, scratch his skin raw. But he knew that he shouldn't. There were just so many things flying around in his head. He wanted to scream everything to James, to actually let him know what he was thinking, not what managed to make it's way out of his torn throat. Every time he talked to James, he felt like he was talking to a plain brick wall. Nothing made sense... it was like his words weren't even understood. Like James wasn't even hearing him...

"Dammit..." Logan whispered as his hands dropped to his lap, looking up at the ceiling, "why am I so stupid? Why didn't I force it out of him?"

_'Because you're a weak nerd' _he reminded himself, making him blink furiously to rid the tears away. He knew that he couldn't do it, he couldn't force anything out of James because he was too afraid. He didn't have the confidence... but didn't he have it only days ago?

"Logan?" Carlos called, seeming to have heard the door shut earlier. Footsteps were coming his way, bounding down on the floor. He could hear Carlos' fingers dragging on the wall, the finger nails just slightly trailing along. He quickly jumped to his feet, finding it hard to stand. His legs wobbled like Jello-O, painfully making him want to topple over himself. But instead he stood firm and wiped his eyes, sniffing one last time before throwing on a smile. One that was so fake he felt it could crumble and fall any second.

He cleared his throat, almost trying to test his voice. It still wavered, affected by his emotions. He took a step forward, squeezing his eyes closed momentarily as he mentally sobbed. His muscles were contracting with every movement, his organs crying, his mind screaming. It was his strength and his willpower that helped him keep such a straight face. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to seem even the least bit sane if it weren't for the trembling smile on his face.

His eyes met with Carlos' and a sudden wave of uneasiness hit. His bones quaked from the stress on his body, because he felt like Carlos could see right through his terribly made facade. And of course, Carlos did. The Latino took one last reassuring step before pulling Logan in close, feeling the shaking shoulders. The amount of exertion on him physically and emotionally had his body unstable. No matter how real his smile could look, the convulsions running up and down his body was defying his attempts of happiness.

"It's alright, buddy. He'll be better soon, just give him time. We need to talk to Kendall, so go ahead and fix yourself up and meet us on the couch," Carlos said softly in his ear, patting his back one last time before backing away. His eyes swept over Logan's pathetic composure and sighed, snapping his fingers while turning back towards the living room.

As the words trailed off into the tense air, Logan rushed for the bathroom. He didn't know what was happening but his world kept spinning and made him want to fall to his knees. So he did, and heaved into the latrine.

He sat limply, laying his cheek on the cold porcelain. He winced at the disgusting area, leaning just enough to grab a cloth from the counter. Quickly wiping his mouth, he didn't really understand what he was doing as he leaned back. His weakness was so overwhelming that it sent him crashing back against the wall, leaving him slumped and decrepit. He didn't even have the strength, the effort to sit himself down. Because he just didn't want to.

He was disintegrating.

Carlos and Kendall were in the main room, quietly looking around. They had shut the TV off because during their discussion, it would only distract them from the important matter. So the room stayed tense and silent. The only thing heard was their shifting on the couches, or the clearing of their throats. Fear circled around the room, anticipation seeping through every crease and crack. Kendall's hands were fisting at the blanket that was draped over the couch's arm, his fingers digging into it painfully, his knuckles white. While Carlos sat still, zoning out on various objects and going blank. Maybe he was in his own little world, trying to escape from this horrid catastrophe, from his very existence.

And when they heard Logan's retching, his back slamming against the wall, they didn't move. Why? Because they knew there would be more of this, every day from now on. Until James was able to go a day without breaking down, when the boys were able to smile truthfully, and when their best friend wasn't on every television channel or every radio station. Maybe one day they could all sit in the same room and laugh without trailing off, thinking about when the next time James would wreck himself.

Maybe one day, they could be the same?

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**Be sure to review, please and thank you~ Love you guys! xx**


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